Hold On To Me

Chapter 1

Four days ago, Beyoncé went into labor and after 10 hours, she gave birth to Johnathan Corey Carter. It was the most painful experience of her life but the joy that would come from holding her little baby boy in her arms would be way bigger than the pain. They were both anxious to hear his first cry, but that never happened. He was already dead before he even had the chance to take his first breath.

Shawn and Beyoncé stayed in bed crying together until at some point Shawn fell asleep. Beyoncé tried to sleep as well, but she couldn't, she would only dream of the day she gave birth. She slowly got up from the bed, making sure not to wake up her husband and then walked to the room that should have been for Jonathan. She was surprised to see that it was empty. The crib that she bought with Shawn wasn't there, the closet was gone, all the clothes that she bought over the months whenever she saw something cute in a store were missing, every gift from the baby shower, nothing was left, not even a toy was in the room. The only thing reminding of a baby was the color and the pictures on the wall. She still could remember the day she and Shawn got everything ready, it took them hours to get the wall in the color that they both liked. She had no idea how many times Shawn had to move the furniture around until it was in the way she wanted it to be and now nothing was left, just the colors on the wall.

"Where is everything?" She asked Shawn when she saw him standing at the door.

"I don't know. I told my brother to get everything out of the house. He will come and paint the wall tomorrow."

"Okay." She said walking out without asking anything more. If she was honest to herself, she was happy that everything was gone. That way she could forget everything sooner. She actually wished she could erase her whole pregnancy and continue with her life like nothing ever happened.

"You should eat something Bey." Shawn said following his wife downstairs and walking into the kitchen with her.

"I'm not hungry." Beyoncé said while opening the fridge and taking a bottle of water out.

"My mother brought us some soup. You should eat some." He insisted.

"Fine." She sighed and sat down. She was not in the mood to go back and forth with him because of food. She would just eat a little and then go back to bed.

"Here."

"Thank you." She said taking the plate from him.

Shawn and Beyoncé started to eat in silence. She had a feeling that Shawn was avoiding even looking at her. She could feel that he was blaming her just the same way that she was blaming herself for everything.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Beyoncé asked when someone rang the doorbell.

"No, you?" Shawn asked back.

"No."

"I will go and see who it is."

"Whoever it is, send back home. I don't want to see anyone."

"Okay." He said getting up, slowly walking to the front door.

Beyoncé could hear him talking to someone, but she couldn't figure out who it was. She heard Shawn tell the person to come back tomorrow and that she wasn't feeling too good.

"Who was it?"

"James. He wanted to paint the wall of the nursery. I told him to come back tomorrow."

"You gonna turn it into your office again?" She asked, stirring her food around.

"No. Maybe you can use it for something you want."

"There is nothing I want. You can have your office back." Beyoncé said getting up to go back upstairs.

She wasn't in the mood to think about what to do with the nursery. She actually wasn't in the mood to do anything. She didn't even want to talk anymore. She was tired.