rooftops

chapter 18 ~ help

"Why are you on the floor?" I ask him, starting to laugh a little at the sight of him.

"It would be rude to let him sleep down here" he tells me, not looking up from his phone.

"I thought you were going asleep?" he asks me, twisting his head around to look at me.

I watch him, unsure of what to say now. I want his help, I really do, I just dont know how to ask him for it.

"Are you okay?" he asks, propping himself up onto his elbows.

I scratch the back of my neck as I lean against the doorway. Do I regret this already?

"I dont know anymore" I manage to tell him, and hes now sitting himself up.

A sudden movement from Tommy turns both of our heads, but hes just twisting himself around in the bed.

"If we're gonna talk we probably shouldnt do it in here" he tells me, before standing up and stretching.

"Mhm" I say, backing out of the doorway and heading towards the kitchen.

I can hear him rustling around in his room, and I sit myself down at the kitchen counter as I wait for him. How am I going to phrase this without sounding like a dickhead?

After a minute or two he appears out of his room with a hoodie on, and he doesnt look tired, which is odd because he normally sleeps as much as George does.

He walks over towards one of the cupboards, pulling out a glass and filling it up with water, acting like this is the most normal thing in the world.

"So whats wrong?" he asks me, leaning against the counter and taking a sip of water.

I watch him, now feeling confused.

"Why are you up this late?" I ask, trying to avoid the conversation id pestered him for.

"Couldnt sleep, why are you?" he says, raising an eyebrow at me.

I put my elbows on the counter and drop my head into my hands. Can I trust him not to tell George about any of this until I was ready?

I hope so.

• song recommendation for this scene
• roslyn by bon iver slowed down

"God Ranboo, ive fucked up" I mumble, letting myself feel the feelings ive been trying to block over the past month.

"What do you mean?" he asks me slowly, and I can hear the hint of worry in his tone.

I feel like a prick for putting this on him too, but I cant hold it in anymore.

"I mean ive fucked up, and ive been trying to tell myself its fine, but its not". I can hear myself starting to ramble.

"Dream what did you do?" he asks me, sounding more serious now than anything.

I let out a long sigh, and I drop my head further into my hands. I have no idea how hes going to react to all of this, but ive dug myself a hole I cant jump out of now.

I start to explain right from the start, right from 17 year old me's perspective. I tell him about Sapnap, and how he told me he'd found some kid during a round of some game I cant even remember now. I tell him about how excited id been to meet him.

I tell him about when id first spoke to George, and how me him and Sapnap had bonded instantly, about how we played video games online in every second of our free time. I tell him about how we told eachother everything.

I tell him about how I began noticing things George did more than I noticed Sapnap. I tell him about how I found myself wanting to talk to George more and more as the time went on.