ineffable husbands (oneshots)

Centuries

TW: tiniest mention of n@z!s

WORD COUNT: 1724

It all started in a garden. Crowley had tempted the humans into biting the apple and leaving the garden. The serpent slithered to the top of the east gate next to the angel and returned to its original form, a demon.

"That went down like a lead balloon." The demon said, hissing slightly.

"I'm sorry?" Replied the angel.

"I said, that one went down like a lead ballon."

"Oh, yes." The angel, whose name was Aziraphale, smiled nervously. The demon continued to speak as all Azi could do was study his face and figure.

"..They just said 'get up and make some trouble' nothing else." He squinted eyes at him slightly. Aziraphale shook his head quickly and looked into the desert.

"Yes, but you're a demon. I'm not sure if it's actually possible for you to do good. Nothing personal, you understand." Aziraphale gave him a faint smile and then looked back out at the landscape. Crowley grinned slightly.

"It's a bit dumb. I mean, pointing out the tree and saying 'Don't Touch' in big letters. Not very subtle is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what he's really planning." He gestured up with one finger as his hair flowed in the breeze that god had created. The glint in it reminded Aziraphale of fire, one of god's first creations. He admired it as Crowley spoke. Aziraphale pulled himself out of his trance and replied.

"Best not to speculate really. You can't second guess ineffability, I always say. There's right and there's wrong. If you do Wrong when you're told to do right, you deserve to be punished." A few raindrops fell from the sky after he said this. Aziraphale lifted his wings and shielded Crowley from the rain. They sat in uncomfortable silence while they listened to the water fall on the plants behind them. Crowley stared at Aziraphale and gazed at his face. 'He's exceptionally handsome for an angel.' He thought to himself. As the angle was about to turn Crowley turned his head and looked at the sunset, watching as the fiery star left from the earths point of view. Fire? That reminded him of something, didn't Aziraphale have a sword that was on fire?
"Didn't you have a flaming sword?" Crowley finally asked after repeatedly glancing at Aziraphales hand.

"Well I-"

"You did didn't you? It flamed like anything."

"Er, well-"

"Lost it already, have you?"

"Oh no! Not exactly lost, more like.." He trailed off as he looked away from the Demons gaze.

"Well?" Crowley asked curiously.

"If you must know." He fixed his posture. "I gave it away." He said shrilly.

"You what?" Crowley gaped, smiling ever so slightly.

"I gave it away!" Aziraphale said, almost a whine.

"I had to! They looked so cold, poor things, and she's expec..." Aziraphale trailed on about how they were going to die without the sword and how they were just too helpless.

All Crowley could think about was how curious the Angel acted. Already defying the all mighty? How fun. How new. He could already tell that he was going to have an exceptional time with him, as well as he could feel himself fall for the first being he had directly interacted with.

~~~

Fast forward a few years to World War 2. Aziraphale had just handed two nazis who worked under Hitler a stack of prophecy books. Obviously the angel had a plan to get these men arrested instead of helping them, but one thing led to another and now Aziraphale was now being held at gunpoint by the two men and their colleague who he thought was on his side. Aziraphale gulped loudly as he looked around.
"You can't kill me!" He whined. "There'll be paper work!" He let out a loud sigh as he heard footsteps approaching from behind him. He tilted his head curiously and turned to see a fire haired demon running towards him, well not running, more tip toeing swiftly as to not burn his feet from standing in a church.
"Crowley? What in heaven's name are you doing here."