Can't Be Hidden|| Bill Weasley [2]

07

The silence that greeted Harley when she awoke from her slumber was terrifying. There was never a quiet moment in the Burrow- wait, she didn't remember getting to the Burrow! The last thing she could recall was seeing Asa and Dylan, so how she arrived here, she was unbeknown to. 

Her heart was full of hatred but also a deep sadness that slowly began to suffocate her once more. All of her doubts and fears of motherhood had come at once and now, now she was sure Bill knew. That was frightening enough! The one person she wanted to hurt and disappoint least would now (in her eyes) be all that. 

Sitting up, Harley brushed her hair out of her face and curled herself into a ball. A weight fell upon her shoulders and for a moment, she didn't realise that it was an arm settling around her until she felt a thumb rub gently back and for on her her arm. She raised her head by mere centimetres, just enough to see who was by her side. 

"Talking," said Bill, his eyes soft and full of empathy as he took his first loo and saw his wife hurting. It was not an easy sight. "Talking is most probably the hardest thing to do in life. I think we need to place more emphasis on it. I am so stupid that I couldn't even see how hard this is for you. The day I married you I legally vowed to support you through thick and thin and I have already broken that. I am so sorry, Harls, but I promise you here and now that we will get through this." 

"How do you suppose we get through this? I am supposed to be a mother. I am supposed to be his support, his feeder, his care-giver and all I want to do is be as far away from him as possible. I have had thoughts that even thinking about doing that to a grown adult is bad enough but a baby, Bill, I am a monster."

"You are not a monster."

"You don't know the thoughts that harbour in my mind. They are awful!"

Bill pulled Harley into his chest and kissed her head tenderly. "You are sick," he told her, "and in no way, shape or form is this your fault. Okay? I am going to go and get Niall, and we shall all take baby steps, the first one being a cuddle."

"All he will do is cry."

"Then we will stop that."

Harley was left alone once again, only this time it was brief as Bill returned with their son cradled in his arms. "Remember what I said about Mummy, eh, Nialler?" He cooed as he sat don beside Harley once again. He titled Niall so that he was nearly sat straight and staring at Harley. His eyes lit up when he saw his mother and a smile rose on his lips. "See, he wants you."

She wasn't so sure about that but nevertheless, she trusted Bill and held out her arms slowly. Niall was put into her hold gently and she held him close to her. Heart pounding, she chewed at her bottom lips praying that he would not cry. So far so good. 

Bill was dubious and watched the pair tentatively. It was in plain sight just how scared Harley was and it ashamed hi that he was so oblivious to it all. He was so glad that Niall was too young to notice his mother's struggle, neither were at fault but he so wished it was not happening. 

Harley was so panicked. Holding Niall in her arms was so much more stressful for her than anyone would probably think. Surely Bill was thinking she was overreacting. "Bill, please take him. I need some air," she said jaggedly. Bill immediately took Niall from them and followed her with his eyes as she rushed out of the room. 

Sirius who was chugging a glass of water in the kitchen noticed Harley bolt out of the room and decided to follow after her. He nodded towards Bill as he passed and he realised just how fast Harley could run. She certainly took after the fast Lupin gene and he dove into his animagus form in order to catch her quickly. He barked to gain her attention and watched as she collapsed onto the grass in a fit of tears. 

He changed back into his form quicker than you can say 'Padfoot' and engulfed the woman in his arms. "Sweetheart, it's okay. Let it out."

"How can I be here?" She sobbed , clinging to Sirius for dear life. "How dare I live and not be able to provide the care Niall needs when Lily and James died!"

"What?"

"They deserve to be here. They deserve the chance to be parents to Harry. It's not fair that I have been given the opportunity to do so when I can't nor won't ever be good enough. They were good enough! I-"

"Stop right there, young lady. I do not want to hear any of this. You will be an amazing mother, you do deserve this life, okay? It's going to take time, it will be difficult but you are strong. You can do this. We all believe in you. Niall needs you, whether you believe it or not. We will all be there to support you in any way we can."

Harley continued to hyperventilate as tears streamed down her cheeks. Sirius could only hold her and rub her back. It was hard knowing that no matter what words he or anyone else shared that Harley's mind would force her to not believe a word they said. He felt helpless, so very helpless but also very determined because he would not let the little girl he once taught how to swim, how to use cutlery properly, who was so wise for her young age, down. Not over his dead body would he.

 It took a few minutes but eventually she calmed but remained being soothed in Sirius' arms. From behind them, footsteps crunched on the grass and another person sat down beside the pair and reached out to hold Harley's hand. "Harley?" A thick Irish accent said with gentility laced through her tone. "I know this may be a bad time to tell you this, but I think you should be the first to know. We are going to get through this together."

Harley furrowed her brows, her rosy, tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes finally being on show to the world and not buried in Sirius' shirt. "I don't understand." She glanced down to where Madison held her stomach. It was little bigger than she had noticed previously... "You're pregnant?"

"Six months. I'm petrified, sweetheart. I'm so scared but then I look at you and my nerves settle-"

"Then you need your eyes testing, Maddie, because I am no role model for becoming a mother."

"You had no clue you were pregnant, you gave birth in the middle of a warzone. Harley, that shows you that you are so much braver than I could ever be and so what if things are not as smooth as other people make them out to be? I will have you and you will have me, we also have Tonks and we can do this together. That is if you want to, of course."

She nodded her head, "we can do it? We can really do it?"

"You are two of the most strong-willed women I know and together you are a powerhouse. You, Maddie and Tonks will grow to be the best mother's any child can wish for. None of you are alone and you, Harley, will get better. You will win this battle."