Flip the Script

Agonize

After Derek went to put the kids to sleep he was on his way back to Meredith's room when he heard something fall. He ran into the room and saw flowers laying on the ground and her frustrated.

"What's wrong?"

"I hate this, I hate not being able to use my own hand!" Meredith yelled with her voice breaking and tears running down her face.

Derek walked over to her and held her head against his chest and kissed the top of her head as she cried.

"It's okay, you'll be okay."

Meredith cried into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. His heart broke seeing her like this, he knew how she felt but he got a second chance and his life wasn't at risk if he had surgery.

Derek sat back down next to her and held her hand tightly. He took a deep breath and got up. He kissed her forehead and started to walk out.

"I'm gonna go talk to Callie" Derek said as he left

"Callie!" Derek yelled when he saw her walk down the hall

"What's wrong? Is she okay?"

"Yea, well no, what about a nerve transplant? Just like you did for me."

"Derek, that's not an option for her. The nerve isn't the only problem. Her muscles, her bones, the nerves, are all damaged. A nerve transplant is possible but it would barely help. The only thing that would help is doing the surgery I suggested but now."

"Damn it, Thanks." Derek sighed as he walked back to Meredith's room

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked as she saw the look on Derek's face.

"I should be asking you stuff like that."

"Tell me, what's wrong?"

"I think we should do the surgery."

"What?"

"Meredith, I know that if we don't do the surgery you loose your hand, your job, and who you are. You shouldn't have to go through that."

"But I might not recover or even make it through the surgery."

"It's a tough decision, but you shouldn't go through it alone."

Meredith grabbed Derek's hand tightly and held it close to her. Meredith stared into his blue eyes and ran her fingers through his hair. He rested his head on her lap as she played with his hair and held his hand.

"I'm scared" Meredith whispered to Derek

"I know, I'm here. It'll be okay"

"I want to be able to operate but not if it costs me my life, I can't do it."

"You still have a chance of getting through the surgery, you're talking and you're awake so you should be stronger now."

"I still need to think about it, when did Callie say I had to decide?"

"End of today"

Meredith sighed and threw her head back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. She was stuck, there was a chance of her being able to have both things but there was also a chance of having nothing left.

"Okay" Meredith said is a quiet voice

"You sure?"

"No, but I have to"

Derek walked out of the room and went to find Callie, he saw her writing stuff down in a chart and walked over to her.

"She's having the surgery." Derek stated as he walked up next to her.

Callie looked at Derek and nodded her head, it was almost the end of the day and Callie knew that Derek trusted her with his wife and she was determined not to loose that trust.

"Okay" Callie said as she glanced over at Derek

"Get the patient in 1106 prepped and page me when it's done." Callie said to her resident as they speed walked over to Meredith's room.

"Don't screw this up, she's everything. Tell me you have it" Derek said before Callie left

"I have this."

Derek nodded and walked into Meredith's room. He stood leaning against the door frame and watched Meredith talk to Alex before he left and it was just Meredith, Derek, and a resident.

Derek felt a little relief before he watched as the resident prepped Meredith for surgery. He walked over to her and held her hand tightly. As they started to wheel Meredith out of her room Derek followed them. He stopped them as they were about to take her in and kissed her hand.

"Here's your stop, get it all out." Meredith said as she took Derek's hand in hers.

"You're strong, don't go into the shiny light okay?"

"I won't, you are my shiny light and nothing can take that away."

"Don't die, you've been through too much to die now. I love you."

"I love you too, I'll see you after?"

"See you after."

Derek leaned down and kissed Meredith, he held her hand with one hand and rested the other on her cheek. When they both pulled away Derek kissed her hand again and let go as they took her into the OR.

Derek stood watching as they opened the doors to the OR floor and pushed Meredith through the hall and into a room. He ran his hands through his hair and sat down in a chair next to him. He called his mom, who had left two days ago after Meredith's last surgery. Carolyn wanted to stay but she had to go back home and Derek promised to update her as much as he could.

"Hello? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. They just took her into surgery."

"So she decided to have it?"

"Yeah, we both did. I'm still worried that we might have made the wrong decision."

"There is no wrong decision, she'll be fine. How are you holding up?"

"Just worried, I'm worried about the baby too. It's so dangerous for the baby, but there's an OB in there watching."

"If they didn't think they could do the surgery they wouldn't be doing it. They have her, now I have to go but call me as soon as you can okay?"

"Okay, thank you mom"

"No problem."

Derek hung up the phone and paced the halls for a bit as he watched nurses talk and doctors come in and out of rooms. When he sat back down he saw Alex come and sit next to him. Alex put his hand on Derek's shoulder.

"She's gonna be fine. It's Meredith freaking Grey she's been to hell and back, she's gonna be fine."

"Thanks" 

Alex sat with him for about 20 minutes before he got paged to a patient. Soon after Alex left Maggie came out of the OR and upon seeing her Derek stood up and waited for an update.

"How is she?"

Maggie took a deep breath then she put her hand on Derek's shoulder.

"You should sit down." Maggie whispered as she sat next to Derek