Monsters

fifty four

-

"You know occlumency?" I ask Draco. I can't even hide my amazement.

"Yes." Draco says with a smile, "my aunt and Snape gave me lessons."

"That's cool." Theo says. "Can you teach Maya?"

"I can try if she wants to." Draco says. "I think you should learn it. It'll help you."

"I want to learn it." I state. "One look inside my head and he will know where I stand."

"Just because I'm curious," Blaise begins. "Where do you stand with all of this?"

I roll my eyes sarcastically and smile before answering.

"With you guys." I say. "With the school, with the right side..."

All three boys look terrified.

"Listen, I know it's harder for you guys because your families are on the other side." I say. "I don't expect you guys to make any decisions lightly because family is important... but can I ask you where your loyalties lay?"

They all pause for a moment.

"My father is a coward and because of his mistakes, I got forced into becoming something I never wanted to be." Draco begins. "I.. I can't promise you that I won't do anything to make sure my mom is safe." He pauses, "but I will always make sure you are safe too."

I nod.

"I love you." I say, "and I wouldn't expect you to not look out for your mother. She's truly a lovely person."

He nods and smiles gratefully that I understand.

"I may be marked by him, but I'm not on his side. His side has ruined our lives." Theo says.

I nod.

"I- it's hard to know what the right choice is." Blaise admits.

"Blaise... you don't.. agree with him do you?"

"No, fuck no." He says. "Maybe my younger self did but that's not me anymore."

"You have to understand, Maya, that it's the way we were raised." Draco cuts in.

"I do understand."

"It's not that I want to be on his side, but I do not want him to hurt my mother... my family because a choice I made." Blaise continues.

I felt my heart ache for him, for all of them really.

Blaise and Draco were both worried about their mothers getting hurt and Theo has Olivia to think of.

"You guys do whatever you need to do." I say. "I'll understand."

"You are too understanding Maya." Theo says as he pulls me into a hug.

"I know, but you guys are my family."

"Cheesy!" Blaise jokes.

"Where is Olivia?" I ask Theo.

"She's at her school. She was supposed to get the mark and transfer to Hogwarts but it kept getting pushed off so my parents are going to keep her out of it the best they can." Theo explains.

I felt my heart ache again at the thought of that sweet girl getting the same mark that I have burned into my skin.

"I'm glad she's safe." Is all I could manage to say.

-

Draco began teaching me occlumency that night. Pansy offered to stay with Blaise and Theo tonight so the two of us could stay up late and study. I'm assuming Pansy finds it hard to sleep without Blaise, the same way I find it hard to sleep without Draco now.

I sat on my bed with one of the books Draco brought for me to read so I can understand what exactly occlumency is and what I need to do. He's sitting on a chair across the room, re reading the book we read together during the Christmas break last year. He ended up loving the book almost as much as I do and re reads it from time to time.

It's almost 11 at night and the two of us have been focused on our books for an hour. Neither of us have spoke to the other but we both look up every once in a while and when our eyes meet, we smile.

I throw the book down and lay back on the bed. I'm tired of reading now and I think it's time for a break.

"Do you think we could take a break?" I mumble and before I knew it, Draco crossed the room and jumped on top of me. I let out a laugh before connecting our lips.

"I've been waiting for you to say those words for like an hour." Draco mumbles as I sit up and move onto his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

"We started an hour ago." I say and let out another laugh.

He smiles as he pulls me closer and rests his head against my chest. "It was a long hour." he mumbles.

I lean my head on his shoulder and nod in agreement. I hated that he sat on the other side of the room and didn't understand why he did at first. Now I get it. If he would've sat beside me, I wouldn't have gotten any reading done.

We sit like that for a long while, just enjoying the quiet and each other's presence. We have no idea what the future brings so moments like this, we hold on to.

"Maya?" he speaks without lifting his head.

"Mhm?"

"I don't want to fight on Voldemort's side." he says. I felt my heart do a little jump. I knew the whole time that he hates Voldemort and he would do anything to protect me, but I always thought at the back of my head, that he would fight with Voldemort to protect his mother and myself.

"Me either." I whisper.

"Promise me that you won't." He says as he lifts his head and our eyes meet. His gorgeous grey eyes are filled with so much pain but I can see some hope left.

"I will if you will." I offer.

He smiles and nods.

"I love you." Draco whispers before we lay down to get some sleep.

"I love you too."