Tumors on the wall

16

"Mer.. We can hit you with I.L.2 to shrink the tumor while we form a surgical plan. It will be hell, but I want to try. "Inoperable" doesn't scare me."

Derek was confused, but he chose not to say anything. How could Amelia expect to successfully operate? He was a damn good neurosurgeon himself, and it seems pretty impossible.

"I don't care.. please.. just try.. everything.. you can" Meredith said out of breath from the emotions so Derek grabbed a portable oxygen mask

"We will Mer" Amelia said before squeezing Meredith's hand

Doctor Swinder, a surgical oncologist entered the room. Meredith quickly wiped away her tears, and drew in deep, steadying breaths.

"Hi Meredith. I'm Doctor Swinder. I think we met before when I-"

"Was Izzie's doctor." Meredith finished. Swinder nodded.

"I'm here to start your I.L.2 treatment. As you know, things are gonna get much worse. And then, if you're lucky.. they'll get a little better.

Derek frowned. Worse? Wasn't this bad enough?

"Okay.." Meredith said slowly. She glanced at Derek, who nodded reassuringly.

"Let's do it."

"So Mer, how are you doing today?" Richard asked while walking in

"Trying to stay alive" She said with tears in her eyes. They were the only ones in her room.

"How are you really feeling?" Richard asked concerned

"Afraid, sick, vulnerable.. I can keep going if you want?" Meredith said sarcastically

"Everyone is doing their best for you. You're a fighter Mer"

"I know.. it's just.. I.. I'm so afraid of leaving Derek and the kids behind. I don't want my kids to remember me this way if I'm gonna die"

"First, we're gonna do everything to try to save you. Second, your kids love you, they know what a good mother you are. This is a big bump in the road and of course they were terrified when you collapsed at home but they love you Mer, Ellis asked me when the both of you can play with her dolls. She isn't thinking about you as her sick mother. She thinks about you as the great mom you are, the one who would do everything for her kids. Everyone in this hospital knows how much you love your kids and how they love you" Richard said while squeezing Meredith's hand to show his empathy

"Thanks Richard"

"I'll let you rest some more before your treatment starts, bye Meredith"

"Bye Richard.. and thanks for everything!"

"Are you ready for this Mer?" Addison asked. Derek had asked her to stay with Meredith, Amelia had paged him to the skills lab to help with the tumor.

"Go save my life Der." She had insisted, letting him know that she'd be okay without him.

She sat in the infusion room, surrounded by sick people.

"I'm ready."

"Okay Meredith! Let's get started!" Said a nauseatingly cheerful nurse.

"Can you tone it down? It's bad enough that I'm dying." Meredith groaned. Her head was throbbing despite the shunt.

"Uh...okay! Little poke." Meredith hissed in pain as the IO needle was inserted.

The nurse attached her to the infusion machine.

"I'll be back to check on you, take it easy and tell someone if you start experiencing extreme symptoms.

Meredith sighed deeply. She leaned back against the headrest, closing her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked. Meredith nodded.

"Talk about something else. Anything." She said, wanting a distraction from the poison dripping through her veins.

"Well, tomorrow I operate on an extrauterine hepatic pregnancy." Addison knew how much Meredith missed operating.

"Liver baby?" Meredith said, sitting up with wide eyes. Addison nodded.

"Ugh, I'm so jealous."

After some lighthearted conversation, Meredith began to nod off, and Addison flipped through a medical journal.

"How's my favorite patient?" Derek joked, returning from the skills lab.

Meredith rolled her eyes before they were even fully open.

She smiled, but Derek could tell she was hiding a lot of pain. The IV in her arm seemed to be draining the life out of her.

"Derek, can you grab me one of those cancer pops?"

"Hey, your appetite is coming back. That's great!" Derek said, leaving to fetch his wife the yellow, frozen treat.

"Bucket." Meredith muttered weakly as soon as he left. She began to vomit.

"You're okay." Addison whispered, rubbing her back. She realized Meredith had sent Derek on a fool's errand so he wouldn't have to see her like this.

"Hey Meredith, how are you doing" Miranda asked as she walked in

"Hmm I'm fine" Meredith said without opening her eyes

Alex walked in "Hey mer"

"Hi" She murmured "How's Jo and the baby?"

"Lots of cravings, last night I had to get ice cream at 2am.. these hormonal woman are crazy"

Addison, Bailey and Meredith were staring at Alex

"Admit that asking your husband to get ice cream at 2am isn't normal" He sighed

"You don't have to push a human being out of you" Bailey said

"I don't know how it feels but I agree with Miranda" Addison said

"I didn't have the chance to push them out.. but C section isn't nice either" Meredith said with a little break to catch her breath

"These woman" Alex said before walking out and rolling his eyes

"He's gonna be a good dad" Miranda said

"He's great with our kids so he's gonna be perfect with theirs" Meredith said

Miranda was paged "Meredith, Addison I have to go. Duty calls"

"Bye Miranda" Addison said

"B-ye" Meredith whispered before Meredith muttered "Bucket!"

She threw up again. She was trying to hold herself together when their friends came over but she felt even worse after but she just didn't want anyone to see her like.. this

A few hours later, the infusion was complete. Derek had stayed by her side for the rest of the treatment.

"Mer" Derek coaxed. It took a few tries, but Meredith finally opened her eyes into slits.

"Let's get you back to your room so you can rest." He whispered. She sighed, exhausted.

"Can I just sleep here? I seriously don't think I can move right now."

"Who said anything about moving?" He asked, scooping her up into his arms.

She tucked her nose into the crook of his neck as he carried her back to the ICU room. He gently placed her in the bed and began to tuck her in.

"Lay with me?" She asked sleepily, her voice hoarse.

"Of course my love." He smiled, crawling into the bed carefully avoiding her IV and EKG wires.

He wrapped his muscular arms around her torso, and the both drifted off.