staring straight ahead at nothing
the attack begins
leg bouncing
teeth grinding
tearing flesh off of my fingers
grasping at split ends
in the silent battleground of my mind
how starved must i be
to keep biting my lips
purple and raw
unable to stop
unable to cope
just another casualty
how vain must i be
to spend hours
agonizing over my reflection
dead skin collecting on a mirror i'll never clean
plucking each tiny hair by the root like weeds
and the feeling i get
running my hands through my scalp
feeling the scabs
each one as soothing as the last
to pull them out one by one
until my hair is greasy and matted
all day
the war wages on
and my body
falling apart at my own fingertips
has become such a constant
i forgot what i was even fighting to begin with
january 25th, 2021, 7:27pm
