what could be

093

jiya

my lips parted as i stare at namjoon's last message. i am sure he knows something dahil he's the closest to jane! bukod sa palagi niyang sinisigawang si yoon.

"what the f.." halos hindi ko matuloy ang masasabi ko dahil hindi pa rin nagp-process sa utak ko.

he's mad.

namjoon said to theo that jino is my secret boyfriend. and the one golden rule of theo and i- no secrets.

to the point theo wasn't liking my posts either, it seems like he's about to unfollow me on all my social media accounts. ni halos hindi niya ako kausapin dahil doon.

apart from that, i was talking to jino at OUR time together. he doesn't like that. i know him. alam ko ang bawat takbo ng isip niya.

hindi ako mapakali habang nagbi-bihis. i need to talk to him. right now.

halos madapa ako nang tumakbo ako palabas ng pinto. inilabas kong muli ang aking phone para sana tawagan si theo nang muli akong makatanggap ng message galing kay joon.

namjoon
he's at the coffee club..
paalis na siya.

and then, there i was running. sobrang lapit ng café na 'yon sa tinitirhan ko. good thing i wore my sneakers kaya ganoon na lang ang bilis ng pag takbo ko. bahagya kong sinilip ang oras sa aking wristwatch. mabuti na lang at 4:37 pm na. hindi na ganoon ka-init.

muntik na akong matalisod ng mabangga ko ang isang lalaki.

my eyes widened. "jino?" he smiled at me. i sighed. napapagod na ako!

"hey! why are you running?" he asked.

huminga ako ng malalim bago sumagot sa kanya. "papunta akong cc.." tukoy ko sa coffee club.

before he could even answer. i ran again. i shouted sorry to him.

"jiya, wait! no-" halos hindi ko na siya marinig dahil ang pagtama ng sapatos ko sa kalsada ang naririnig ko.

i am super close to the café. get your man, jiya. get him. i will get theo. i will tell him everything. na wala akong boyfriend, na wala naman akong tinatagong sikreto sa kanya, that i love him. not just my best friend but more than that.

it took me a long time to realize. i am not even sure kung masusuklian niya ba yung ibibigay ko. but one thing's for sure. what i want is to tell him what i feel regardless of what i could get from him. rejection or a relationship with him. so be it.

i love him. that's it. hindi ba obvious sa lahat nang ginawa ko para sa kanya? they're right. hindi ko lang talaga maamin sa sarili ko dahil ang nasa isip ko kahit noon pa, na wala akong ibang pokus kung hindi yung friendship namin.

pabagsak akong napaupo nang makarating ako sa labas ng coffee club. may mga upuan at table kasi sa labas ng café. for those who want a great and light atmosphere.

hingal na hingal ako. bakit ba kasi hindi ako nag taxi?

i stood up and was about to go inside when someone went out of the glass door. i stiffed.

diretsong nakatitig sa mga mata ko ang lalaking kanina ko pa hinahanap. his cold gazes went to soft gazes that welcomed me. i wiped my sweat and smiled. lalapit na sana ako nang may sumunod mula sa likuran niya.

"theo-"

"b-" faith surprisingly looked at me. her hand was touching theo's hand. dahan dahang bumaba ang kamay niya at tinanggal ang pagkakahawak.

doon nawala ang ngiting isinalubong ko sa kanya. b? baby? i scoffed and walked a step backward.

after the long run? after all the tears? after all the realizations? i'll still end up here? being an option that he never chose?

napayuko ako nang maramdamang tumulo ang luha ko. napailing ako. not again, jianna. not again. not him.

he's just.. not for you.

bakit nga ba hindi ko napapansin yon? it seems like the whole world is against us. baka kasi i crossed the line na. i didn't stay on my place as his best friend na walang karapatan sa kung sino man ang i-date niya.

baka nga hindi talaga. baka nga dapat hindi ko na lang siya pinuntahan dito. baka nga dapat wag ko nang sabihin sa kanya yung nararamdaman ko.

he has a long list of options. he can never lose someone. siya pa? i'm his ever caring best friend.. boss jiya. baka nga hanggang dun lang talaga.

i, again, shook my head. i started to run away. my eyesight was blurry because my tears. but i continued to run away from him.

"jiya!" he shouted. hindi ako huminto sa pag takbo. hindi ko pinansin ang pag tawag niya.

no jiya.. he's not for you. let it go. you're never his choice nor his option.

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