Bittersweet

~~ The Catch 22 ~~

Surprisingly, Jenna returned a few minutes later, looking more flushed than when she left. She picked up her drink and again drank it like she was drinking a soda, swiftly followed by a hiccup. "I'm not ready to leave yet either."

People were emptying the bar now, but instead of saying anything I grabbed her hand and coaxed her through the bar, towards the rear. If I was going to kiss her—no when I kissed her. I didn't want it in front of my best friend and every other nosey set of eyes in the bar. We could head upstairs.

She kept hold of my hand but said nothing.

Reaching the room upstairs, best described as a chill out room of sorts that only me and Jake used if we ever slept here. I pulled her inside and closed the door.

I had planned for this to be slow, soft. But having her here, alone, all that went out the window as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers.

I'm kissing Jenna, I'm kissing Jenna, I'm kissing Jenna.  Played on a loop.

Tempting my tongue past her lips and honestly it lit a fuse, igniting everything I'd keep welled up inside. My tongue glided over hers, drowning every other thought. She tasted delicious. Tequila and red wine, a very teasing combination. Her hands gripped my biceps, increasing the pressure as I deepened our kiss. I slid my hand over her hips, her heat blanketing me, and I didn't actually care at that point that my erection was nudging her a little too insistently. I had waited so long, it almost felt unreal.

We broke apart, both panting. I thought I'd lost the ability to speak, but it was Jenna who broke the fueled air surrounding us.

Slightly breathless. "I've never been this forward and maybe this is the alcohol talking, and I'm being totally crazy, but I want you Gabriele, like really, really want you."

Jenna using my full name did things, weird things to my insides as him downstairs, twitched in frustration of being ignored—well, he'd been on stand-by since I'd clapped eyes on her tonight. 

And as much as I wanted to rip her clothes off and do all the things that I'd thought about—on numerous occasions, including a very graphic scene from my shower earlier. Never once did our first time being intimate with one other take place in a small dingy room upstairs from my bar.

Then there was the regret—I didn't want her to regret it. This was clearly the alcohol talking. She wasn't in her right mind and that would be wrong. What if she resented me afterwards? Or even worse hated me?

Godsdammit!

I ran my hand through my hair, heaving a sigh. But my inner turmoil was nothing compared to the look that now stared back at me.  Rejection!  That's what she saw this as, her eyes became glassy and in a few seconds I'd managed to shred every ounce of joy from them.

Shit!

She shook her head. "It's fine Gabe, I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought you would have wanted—"

Sweet Jesus.  Fuck no!   She honestly thought I didn't want her.  

Well, what did you expect, asshole?  "Jenna, no—"  I took half a step towards her before her hand sprang up in defence.

Stepping back from me. "I-I just wanted to remember what it felt like to be wanted by someone. It's been a long—" her voice cracked on the last word.

I didn't give her a chance to finish—there was no way I was going to let her assume I didn't want this or for her to think she was anything less but everything to me. I'd wanted her from the first moment I'd met her. I was sure I would want her when I was six feet under. Thought the universe was a sick bastard for letting my asshole brother meet her first.