The Lost Teller

Brutal Honesty

We arrived at my appointment 10 minutes early. I was beyond nervous. Ive never had to talk in front of two people about my past and my issues before. And with Jax it's more personal then just some doctors writing notes. His facial expression was so cold and hard. I felt awful. "Dakota, Jax you guys can come in now." Ashley smiled and called us in. He got up and walked in as I dragged my feet going as slow as I could but we were all sitting before I knew it. "So I am aware the last few days have been very difficult, would you like to start with that or something else.?" Ashley asked.
(Bold - Dakota / sideways-Jax /normal-Ashley)
"Actually let's start with the terrors. I wasn't aware they had been worse this month. What can we do or give her.?"
"Well maybe we should try to talk about it more, last session Dakota and I made a connection that they started a little while after she has been removed from Travis's care. And they had seemed to get better with the right med and time that was until she ran into him just recently, as a result aside for the two night they have been very relentless."
"What two nights?"
"The night of the dinner and the night after that."
"I was with her both of those nights."
Ashley nodded.
"It doesn't matter you were there last night and it happened. Can we talk about something else?"
"You  guys were fighting correct?"
"Ya and I slept on the couch."
"It doesn't matter. They have been happening all month they haven't stopped. Gemma would lay with me at times to didn't help. This is stupid. There is no fixing them they will just stop when the world is done fucking me over."
"Dakota language"
"It's English. I'm done with this."
At that point I stood up honestly embarrassed and angry as I head for the door. "Get back here. Now."
"Actually it's okay Dakota you can go to the waiting room I would like to speak to Jax. You can be done today. You did great." I just nodded and left.
4 hours later
"This is stupid." I mumbled to myself. Jax is refusing to let me
Sleep alone for a while ha said it's part of me being ground, so that he can keep an eye on me and make sure I don't try to run again, which is a huge lie. We both know it's because of whatever the doctor said when I left. Him and Tara are in his room right now talking but I can hear them yelling from here. Abel was in his crib asleep but they are probably gonna wake him up with their yelling soon. I walked to my room trying to ignore the yelling. My room here isn't much different that at Gemmas only real difference is there is only one bathroom in the whole house so there is just a closet in my room now. I sat on my bed and grabbed my guitar. Jax agreed to let me keep it because it helped me calm down in stressful situations. I suddenly heard a door slam and a knock out my door. Before I could answer Jax walked in. "You okay?" I asked before he had a chance to ask me. "Ya.. Tara and I are done, for now anyway. I can't focus on a relationship right now. I need to figure out this being a parent shit and with everything going on it the club. It's just to much." He sighed he looked broken up and I left bad because I know I'm partly to blame "I'm sorry.." I whispered "stop it's not your fault. Tara and I have always had issues. She doesn't like the club life. It's why she ran in the first place years ago. This would have happened either way." He just sighed and walked over and sat next to me. "We will get through this." He told me right as we heard Abel starting to cry from his room. Jax got up and left to go check on the baby. I started to strum a soft tone on the guitar again. I've been slowly working and writing lyrics to a song. I started to slowly sing a few lines as I strummed not paying attention to the door so I didn't notice Jax was standing there with Abel both watching me. "You're really good at that you know." Jax spoke up after I stopped a few moments later. "My mom, before she had me and got addicted to drugs she was a singer. She was pretty good from what I remember." I told him talking about my mom for the first time in a long long time. "You never told me, what was her name?" He asked "Amelia Marie Reavera, she lived out in Nevada." I reached up to my pillow and pulled out the only photo I had of myself and my mom and got up to handed it to Jax. He stared at it for a few moments. "She looks familiar but I don't really remember." He handed it back and walked out to go lay the now sleeping baby back down. I decided after everything that happened to day going to bed early didn't sound like a bad plan so I put the guitar away and got comfortable under my blankets and closed my eyes. I felt the bed shift indicting Jax had come to back and got into bed too. Probably just as exhausted from today, we were both out like a light in a matter of minutes.. until about 4am when I woke up with a jolt breathing heavy. "Hey. You're okay." Jax got up rubbing his eyes. "No I'm not. Go back to sleep I'm gonna go get a drink." I got up and left the room before he could object and went to the kitchen. I sat at the table with a glass of water just staring into the cup. "You gotta start talking about all the shit in your head. It's wreaking havoc on you mentally and physically now." Jax walked in and started coffee looking beyond exhausted I felt bad. "You should go back to bed. Abels still sleeping. He might not be for much longer. Don't stay up just because I am." I ignored what he said and told him. He just rolled his eyes. "I'm already up. It's fine." He mumbled he really isn't a morning person but I wasn't gonna fight. But then a question that has been bugging me lot popped in my head so I finally asked him. "Will you tell about about John?" He turned around "what do you want to know?" He asked. I thought about it before answering. "Everything."