𝔉𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔩𝔶 𝔉𝔬𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔱

Chapter VII

Ever since I was a kid I couldn't stand rejection.
I was possessive and nearly animalistic, but it was because I feared abandonment more than anything. I guess it was because of my biological parents .
Suddenly, all the packed-up fear became anger and sadness and joy and sorrow and excitement and it all exploded. In a rampage, all my emotions left my body. I felt nothing.
Gotta survive somehow.
I chose to survive by not feeling anything at all.
Then Tei, mom, dad, they all left, and back again I was.
I snapped. I was gone, I wasn't coming back. I was lost in the depths of my head, black thick ropes that caged my mind, and I travelled so deep into the night that I got used to the darkness in there, and the beauty of stars which light was so powerful yet so dim, a distant memory of a once happy life. But I got used to being there. Rock bottom isn't that bad at all. Once there is nothing but darkness surrounding you, the world doesn't seem so scary, the monsters don't seem so wicked.
The lake is beautiful tonight.
I stepped inside the water. I was touching the stars reflected on the mirror, I was flying above the fish, I was defeating darkness and sorrow and cold and the whole fucking world. I was my own god, and everyone else's. I was my own person. I was becoming me. I dived. I breathed in.
The moon was shining.
Farewell.
Then I was out of the water.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

I glared at the boy.
"Look who showed up. 'Ts Nice seeing you again. Thanks for leaving, by the way. 'Was getting a little bit bored. 'Was wondering how it would feel like, the presence of the holy father, since I lack one down here."

"Fuck off Sam, you and your fucking crap. Answer me for real, why did you step into the water?"
"To take a peaceful afternoon dive, the fuck do you think?"
"Watch your fucking mouth, kid"
He was one taking.
"I was looking for you, but you didn't look like you wanted to be found. Looks like I was right, I truly am just your human toy. You don't care about me, do you? Haven't I bored you enough with my mortal crap?"
The mask on his face covered his expression but I could feel the air getting colder, the night getting darker, and the ground under my feet felt like it wanted to crawl back down to hell, fearing the wrath of a pissed off spirit.
But he wasn't just pissed off. I could sense, under all that darkness, his deep, unattainable hurt.

"Fuck you, Sam, it's not like that and you know it.
I heard you. But I couldn't come. Fuck, I shouldn't even be here right now.
I could get myself into real trouble for this."
"Then why are you here?"
"I don't fucking know okay? I just couldn't allow you to dive. The lake- you just couldn't. I shouldn't have left in the first place, I know, but the council is going crazy. Mad shit is happening, Sam. Mad shit you shouldn't know about. You can't be taken back, we can't allow it!"
"What do you mean taken back?"
The look on his eyes was dreadful and as sharp as a thousand swords
"I can't tell you"
"Can't or won't?"
"Both"
I stayed silent for a moment.
"You know what Teinshi? I'm done. Enough with your crap, and your council, and your ghost world, and your rules and your fucking attitude. Fuck, you even got me into swearing.
I'm out of here. Don't count me in for this summer, I'll be long lost. Though, I don't think I was in your plans to begin with, am I right?"

"No, wait Sam, just let-"

"It's too little, too late, Tei. I didn't ask much, I just needed to talk, that's all. If you can't afford even that, then I'm sorry, but I don't need you. Goodbye, Teinshi."

I left, knowing that Teinshi was just like me, he couldn't stand being abandoned. But I left anyway. I left so that he would miss my presence, I left so that he would call my name, I left so that he would understand how it feels like to lose your only friend, I left so that we could become the same once again, so that my pain would become his, so that our loneliness would keep us together.

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I 👏 am not 👏 liking 👏 this story 👏 one bit 👏
But I shall continue anyway... maybe when it's over I'll edit it all over again... for, like, the 787392992286281 time.
Also, I started a new story... but it's in Italian 😬. Maybe one day I'll translate it in English, Spanish and French.
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