Introspective Strangers [h.s.]

Chapter 62

Harry shook his head once more, tightening his grip around me. "Let's figure it out together. Please, May. Don't go–"

"Do you love me?" I blurted, trailing my fingers over his jaw. I felt it tense under my touch.

He looked me once over, eyes wide and wild. "Of course, I do, fuck. More than anything. That's what I'm trying to tell you–"

"Then let me be," I said softly, running my thumb over his bottom lip. I dropped my forehead to his, feeling his lashes brush against my cheek. "You've helped me grow. You've shown me what it's like to live for myself. Let me find out who I am now on my own before I go depending on someone else. Let me become the best of who I can be, so that I can be good enough for you. Let me figure out how to be the person you need now, okay? I owe you that much."

"You don't owe me anything." He was shaking his head again. "Nothing. I love you just the way you are."

"I know," I replied, reaching up again to wipe his tears away. He caught my wrist, holding my hand in place. "And I'll forever be grateful for that. So fucking grateful that you were able to love me, even when I felt myself the most unlovable that I'd ever been." I inhaled sharply. "But I want to be able to love myself now, you know? So that I can love you even harder."

"But I don't want that, May–"

"I do, Harry." I interrupted, putting my hand on his chest. He leaned into my touch, despite himself, though my very soul cleaved a fraction at the rate in which his heart was beating – desperate and frantic as if these were very well his last moments. "I want you to find someone, Harry, who loves you unabashedly. Who loves every piece of you like I do. Someone who isn't afraid to jump at the opportunity to tell you that they love you back. Who doesn't wait days and make you question everything."

It hurt to think back to that look on his face when I put up the wall after he told me he loved me. How I had refused to let him in and then the resistance that he held because of it when I finally did admit that I loved him, maybe even more than he loved me.

"May," he was sobbing now, chest heaving, eyes wet with tears that wouldn't stop flowing no matter how many times I wiped at his cheeks. "Please, you're the only person I want to love. The only person I want to love me. Ever." He trailed his hand up my sides, over my shoulders, to my face, pulling me toward him.

The kiss was all passion and desperation. Yearning and fear of what was to come, what lied ahead. His lips fell perfectly in sync with mine, as they always had, tongue running over my bottom lip, teeth grazing against one another from how close we were pressed together. His words both spoken and unspoken tumbled into my mouth, his words of love and adoration for me, one after the other as if this would be the very last time he could ever say them.

"I don't want this," his voice was so very soft when he pulled away. Feather-light and delicate, like he was choosing his words softly, scared that I would blow right away into the wind if he chose the wrong ones. "I want you. Only you. Mayflower. My Mayflower. My love."

His face, the soft curve of his smile and pink of his lips. His cheeks, high and flushed on his face, the soft ridges of his nose. I looked them over. Took them in. Memorized them, relishing in being able to look at the man I loved and grateful for having been ever even able to look at him in the first place.

I had to close my eyes, willing myself to remain composed, despite the tears that had incessantly flowed in time with his.

"You know how much I love you." Was all I was able to offer in response. "Please don't ever forget how much I love you."

Harry buried his head in my lap, tears soaking hot through the material of my pants. "Please don't go."

"Don't hate me for this." I stroked his hair.

"Never," he murmured, the word choked and broken as it made it's way out of his throat. "I could never hate you."

I swallowed hard, biting down hard on my lip until I could taste blood. "The world is all made up of memories anyway. Memories and broken moments, all of which we choose to relive or regret. Choose not to regret to the ones with me when I'm gone."

"I thought we would have more time." Harry's voice rumbled against my leg, his grip tightening around my waist. "I thought we would have forever."

I smiled down at him. A soft, sad smile that I wished never had the pleasure of gracing my face, for how much pain it brought along with it. "Is that not all life is? Borrowed time, unbidden thoughts and unrequited or unspoken love."

"Don't do that. Don't say that." His voice was muffled - broken. "This isn't a book, May. This is real. It's us."

"I know it's real, Harry," I knitted my fingers through his hair. "And real life isn't perfect. It doesn't always have happy endings."

Harry's entire body convulsed with a sob, one that I was worried might stay with me forever. I held him tighter.

"I love you."

"Stay," he whispered.

"I love you, Harry."

—

C'est fini, mes amours.

Both parts of the epilogue (school and work permitting) should be up tomorrow. Please don't abandon or cancel me until they are posted, I love you! Thanks so much for reading. Xo