happy harry lewis

one

'harry is happy'
'harry is happy'
'harry isn't sad'
'harry is happy'
'harry is normal'
'harry isn't depressed'
'harry is happy'
'harry's girlfriend treats him nice'
'harry is happy'
'harry doesn't want to kill himself'
'harry is happy'
'harry is the same as before'
'harry is happy'

harry sits on the bathroom floor, rocking backwards and forward, clutching his knees - pulled all the way up to his chest. his hand hurts, his arm hurts, his heart hurts.

he whispers to himself once more - 'harry is happy'

he pulls himself up using the sink, groaning in agony as he put pressure on his hand. he turns the cold tap on, the water washes over his hand causing the blood to run, it hurt like hell but he didn't care, he deserved this pain, it was his fault. the blood stopped coming off as easily, harry gave up, harry sank to the floor with his hand wet and covered in blood.

he began to sob

it was all his fault
it was all his fault
it was all harry's fault again
he shouldn't have done it
she was getting a glass from the top shelf
he meant to be helpful
she couldn't  reach it  too well
harry went to get it for her
she had already managed to reach it
he just knocked it out off her hand
the glass smashed
he picked it up
with his hand
just like she wanted
the glass cut his fingers up
but he deserved it
it was all his fault

he tried his best, he really did

the door slams leaving harry alone
all alone

once he crying subsided he gingerly got up and opened the bathroom door

it wasn't locked
that was one of her rules
no locks
no locks meant no where to hide
harry had no where to hide
she removed them all when they moved in
this made harry scared, but he didn't say anything

he made his way from the bathroom to the bedroom, he loved his bedroom in his old flat. it was his special place, just his - like a sanctuary from the outside world. this was nothing like that. this room just reminded him of pain.

he used to say no, he really did, but it was easier to be quiet. he remembers the first night, they'd been out drinking. he was talking to ethan, when she pulled him away. she gave him a drink, she said it was a jack and coke. he'd just had one and this tasted different, but he didn't want to upset her, didn't want to cause a scene, didn't want to spoil the night. so he drank one and another and another. from then he can't remember too much, he can't remember the rest of the night at the club, he can't remember how he got home, he can't remember what to do. he was lying on their bed, drugged and helpless, tears spring from his eyes as he tried to say no he tried to thrash out, to get up, but he couldn't. he was tied down. he took a few deep breaths and looked around, he was in his room with his girlfriend. what the hell is going on he remembered thinking.
then she slaps him
again
and again
and again

she pulls down his joggers and he felt scared. he didn't want to, but he had to. she cut his shirt off, he was practically naked, just in his boxers, but it wasn't too long before they were gone

he didn't understand
she loved him
but she was hurting him

she whispered sweet nothings in his ears, she played with his hair, he felt sick.

'your enjoying it, don't dare try and deny that' she laughed looking down at his dick.

he felt sick.

then it was over

he remembers crying in the shower with the water stinging hot, scrubbing his skin raw. anything just to get rid of her touch.

hi guys
hope you've enjoyed the story so far
i'm really sorry about the spelling and punctuation, i find it really hard to do properly.
- Santana x