Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

s e v e n t y - f i v e

"You haven't actually kissed?"

"Nope," Yoongi replied, "We're not necessarily giving up. I guess— right person wrong time? Long-distance won't work for us. Hobi said his love language centers around physical displays of affection and that's when I knew it's not gonna work. It wouldn't be fair to him."

"You sound so mature. God." Taehyung gawked. "I'm like— proud but sad as shit."

"I'm sad too. It's not exactly what I wanted. It's not exactly what Hobi wanted either. But I'm also relieved I didn't agree to something neither of us can commit to, you know?" Yoongi smiled, pushing a few coins into the machine slot. "That's something you and Jeongguk have to talk about too."

"Yeah, fuck..." Taehyung looked down at his feet, contemplating, "It kinda scares me— what he'll say."

"He loves you," Yoongi reminded as his bag of chips dropped, "But I think Jeongguk has grown to finally make his own choices— Decisions that he feels are best for him. And you should do the same."

"Are you gonna be here next summer?"

"I don't know," He answered truthfully, "I'm transitioning to college next summer, remember? I don't know if I'm gonna be around—"

"Shit. We're growing up."

"— but I'll come visit you at Palm Springs."

"Yeah?"

"Of course," Yoongi said with exaggerated gestures, "Now buy your snack so we can head back and enjoy the time we have left together."

Taehyung had recovered, thankfully. His oxygen levels were healthy and his voice no longer sounded like he chugged a smoothie of debris.

For obvious reasons, the Kim family was given a new cabin to stay at for the remainder of days and unfortunately, it wasn't close to Jeongguk's at all.

Early signs of longing already planted themselves deep in Taehyung's heart as he sat on his bed that night, waiting for his boyfriend to come over from his cabin.

He tried to imagine life after Jeongguk. What kind of bland future was that? Would he still want him the same when they're miles apart?

The ravenette sensed Taehyung's worries right away when he tiptoed into his room with a paper bag. "Hey."

"Hey," The brunette echoed, eyeing the object between his boyfriend's hands, "What's that?"

"My dad said to bring over some cookies." Jeongguk swung a leg over Taehyung and straddled him, taking a chocolate chip cookie from the bag and prodding at his mouth. "Open wide."

The brunette snorted, parting his lips to take a bite out of it and humming in approval.

Jeongguk leaned forward and pressed his head against Taehyung's, eyes fluttering close. "Tell me what's wrong."

"There's a lot on my mind right now," The brunette admitted, "But mostly— I'm really gonna miss you. More than I've ever missed anyone."

"Don't think like that. We still have a few days." Jeongguk kissed his forehead. "We're nowhere close to the end."

Taehyung melted into his touch, the ravenette's fingers combing through his hair and making him feel all tingly.

"There's no end."

"That's a big statement to make, Bambi."

"I know. But it feels good saying that," Jeongguk remarked, taking another cookie for himself. He curled up snug against the brunette, basking in his warmth before he reached up and stroked Taehyung's cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, my big baby."

The ravenette gave him a minor scowl that soon faded after seeing the giddy look on Taehyung's face. "Stick to Bambi." He pouted.

"Two months ago you hated that nickname."

"The me two months ago was so horrendously different— practically heartless."

"Because?"

"He hadn't fallen for you yet."

Jeongguk grinned triumphantly at the blush that tinted Taehyung's cheeks.

"And you call me the sap? The big softie?" Taehyung asked, pinching the ravenette's side and smiling when Jeongguk squealed.

Jeongguk edged closer and slotted his lips over the brunette's, hands sprawled across his cheeks. He tasted like chocolate and everything sweet. When he pulled away, Taehyung held eye contact for a moment and goosebumps littered the ravenette's arms like stars against a black backdrop.

There was just something about Taehyung's gaze that made him feel like the only person in the world. Made him feel seen and valued.

"You ready for some tough conversation, Bambi?" Taehyung asked gently.

It was a must. "Yeah."

__________

incoming long authors note lol

remember when some of y'all asked if i've ever been in a relationship? yeah

the fact that everything yoongi said reminds me of my ex 💀💀 "right person wrong time" resonates with me a little too much

society likes depicting relationships as something so magical and heartfelt (and yes it's possible) but they don't talk about how painful it can be. so much decision making happens. we as individuals have to make choices that benefit ourselves. and it's hard to put two people in a relationship when they want different things and grow in different directions.

i dated a good guy. he doesn't have a bad bone in his body. we've never fought. which was great, but that was also the problem— we never fought. i think we were both so desperate to keep each other close that we neglected our own needs and let things go unsaid like how tae and kook did.

strong relationships require conflict. we were treading on eggshells around each other.

i finally called it off because i wanted to be in a relationship that encouraged growth. we weren't growing. in fact, i felt as though we were limiting each other. i wanted him to sleep earlier instead of facetiming me. i wanted him to travel the world and date other people and learn and experience life that didn't include me as a partner. and i wanted that for myself too.

and god breakups hurt, both for me and him. but a lot of the things i learned from my past relationship with him, i put into this book. insecurities, bravery, commitment, and trust.

we still talk and call. he still sends me Netflix shows he knows i'm too scared to watch. he still listens to kpop because of me and he read some of my books too. but him and i live on opposite sides of the globe and i refuse to do long distance so yup. right person wrong time and wrong place.

so that's my take on relationships.
it's not essential when it doesn't make you a better person.

:]

thank you for coming to my ted talk

i'm not sure if i can update tomorrow but we'll see! i love and adore you more and more everyday. thank you for creating this space for me where i feel safe to share these thoughts hehe.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
- hay