Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

s e v e n t y - f o u r

"I bought lunch from the coffee shop nearby," He said, reaching into his paper bag and pulling out a wrapped tuna sandwich, "I uh— got your... boyfriend one too. But if he's doing a blood test, I'm not sure if he's allowed to eat."

Jeongguk nodded stiffly, mumbling a thanks before sitting next to him and digging into the small meal.

Ahnjong reappeared with a nurse. She pointed at Jeongguk to sit back down when he got to his feet. "Don't worry, hun. We got it taken care of. You focus on eating your lunch," She commanded before entering the room.

Jeongguk flopped back into his chair.

"Son," Junseo said, gaining his attention. His hands fidgeted. "I want to— Here, before I chicken out again."

The ravenette swore his blood ran cold when he saw the pendant rested in his father's palm, mouth ajar to show chewed tuna and bread.

"What the fuck?"

"Don't swear. Your mom doesn't like that."

"My mom— you— you found her pendant?" Jeongguk gasped, hastily putting his sandwich down on a piece of napkin.

"No." Junseo shook his head. "This one's mine."

The ravenette faltered into more shock and disbelief.

"We—" He blinked furiously, and it wasn't until then did Jeongguk realize he was on the edge of tears. "Me and her... We got it..." He continued slowly, trying not to choke in his words, "the day we found out we soulmates."

The ravenette stopped functioning altogether, arms falling limp at his sides. "What?"

"We were soulmates. And yes— the dreaming type of soulmates. We got pendants to seal it."

"Why have I never seen this before?" Jeongguk asked, eyes glued to the pendant.

Junseo chuckled, but there was slight pain in his laughter. "Your mom has always been the sentimental, poetic type. She liked wearing her heart on her sleeve so she'd wear her pendant all the time," He explained, "Me? I like keeping the things I love close to myself. Private and locked away. Not sharing them made it feel more valuable to me personally, so I never showed it to anyone. I didn't have a reason to."

"Dad..." Jeongguk took his bottom lip between his teeth, reminded once again how alike he was to his father.

"I wanted to give it to you since the night you lost your mother's," Junseo explained, "But you kept sleeping over at your boyfriend's place and shut me out most the time."

Jeongguk gulped. "I didn't lose it."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember Carter?"

Junseo hummed. "Yeah. The blonde guy kept coming over to our house, right? Your mom loved that kid. Always said he took care of you at school."

"Yeah um—" The ravenette didn't know how to get all this information across without overwhelming his father. "You and mom didn't know, cause I hid it from you, but we actually dated."

Junseo's jaw dropped slightly before he shut it again.

"And uh— I don't know if you noticed, but he's at camp. With us. And he was the one who stole mom's pendant from me and threw it into the ocean."

A line appeared between his father's brows. "Why?"

"Out of spite, I guess."

"Spite?"

"It's a long exhausting story, dad. I could write a book about it."

Junseo nodded, understanding.

"And before you say anything else, I just wanna get this out of the way— yes I've always been gay," Jeongguk said, confidence laced in his tone, "And yes, I do love Taehyung. A lot."

His father closed his eyes for a moment, digesting those words before speaking. "I don't... I don't love the idea of a male dating a male, Jeongguk. But... I'll try getting used to it, for your sake," He told the ravenette earnestly, "I trust your feelings towards him are real since I've been a soulmate too."

"Thank you," Jeongguk whispered. It wasn't everything, but it was something.

"I'm sorry I neglected you, son." Junseo's hand settled on his knee. "I was too deep in my grieving process to realize you lost a mother too, that you needed my attention more than anyone else's. And I— I blame myself for her death every second of the day."

The ravenette placed his hand over his father's. "Dad, don't—"

"No, it's okay. I had dreams of her drowning days before it actually happened. I didn't realize it was a warning until everything went down. And it all happened too quickly." His voice wavered in defeat, but he thrusted his pendant into his son's open palm. "I want you to have mine."

Jeongguk traced his fingers over it, feeling the familiar texture of a seashell and tearing up. But instead of hooking it around his neck, he decided to pocket it.

Perhaps for the longest time, his mother's pendant hung around his neck like a leash. He depended on it so much for emotional support that he downgraded the relationships around him. He failed to find love elsewhere and Jeongguk wanted to change that.

He didn't want inanimate objects to control his life anymore. He wanted to seek love elsewhere. In Taehyung, mostly. But also in the bonds he built with other people.

"Thank you," He said, turning to his father.

Junseo returned a feeble smile.

Maybe their relationship is worth mending. Maybe this was the moment where Jeongguk could finally take a breath and not feel sorry for himself. This was where he started taking control of his life, his passions, his duties.

"Jeongguk?" Ahnjong called, sticking her head around the door, "Taehyung's practically crying for you."

Even if one of his duties was to hold his boyfriend while he had a needle stabbed into his arm.

__________

i'm really proud of the way their mindsets' and beliefs evolved over the course of this story. i think that's my favorite part of this chapter— learning, growing, and forgiving.

:D

fuck, we're approaching the end in possibly a couple more chapters (?)

the angst we finally got over in this goddamn book lmao:

i say this a lot and i'll say it again;
i'm so happy and grateful you're here

goodnight <3
- hay