Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

13: Brown

"No." I say the first thing that comes to mind, because I don't think it's true. "Not only would that imply that Ashton cheated on me, which I have enough faith to know he didn't, it would also imply that he has a child that he abandoned. It means he never saw them or took care of them and that sounds impractical."

"Okay." She nods. "and why did August tell you what he did?"

"He said he wasn't trying to hurt me, but that's not true. He just said that. He told me because I said something mean to him and it made him mad."

"So then there is no valid reason to let this create panic. You can't fathom the thought of it being true, and you believe that a person you dislike told you this with bad intentions."

"Right." I nod my head. "I'm still going to ask him and then I'll let it go, but I have to ask."

"Okay."

"Okay." I nod my head and stand up from the couch in a hurry.

I don't know why I'm in such a rush to ruin my life.

*****

I play with the end of my shirt as I sit in the middle of the bed staring at the open door. I know that Ashton is walking through the door any minute now, and I know I'll have to ask him. I'm just scared because what if my whole life flips upside down?

I often try to disconnect from the whole "Catalina has bad luck" trope, but history has always proven that it's not on my side. I don't know what to expect. I feel okay because I don't think Ashton would ever do something like that, but then I start to doubt what I know because of the way my life has been in the past.

I hear footsteps as they come up the stairs and I feel my stomach ball into a knot. It takes about 40 seconds to get from the front door to the top of the stair case, and an extra three to make it to our room. Only 43 seconds stand in between me and knowing if my world is about to collapse.

You'd think I would have prepared. You'd think that I would have thought of something to say or what I would do if it's true. I haven't though. If I thought how I would react, I'd have to face the idea that it could be true. It's just one of those things that you can't think about without feeling tears pool in your eyes.

I hear him as he gets closer and closer. The stairs barely creaking under the weight of his footsteps. I swallow and I sit up straighter, taking a deep breath and preparing myself to face him.

Three seconds and he'll be standing in front of me. He'll be standing in front of me and I—

"Hey." Ashton speaks and I jump in shock, snapping out of the daze I had been in as I got ready to see him.

"Do you have a child with Melody?" I ask him, not missing a beat as he stands on the other side of the room.

Ashton raises his eyebrow and starts to smile. He chuckles a little bit, unable to hide his obvious amusement and see that I have a straight face. "What?"

"I'm not being funny."

"What? No. Where do you— what kind of question is that?" He exhales as his laughter dies down.

"A serious one."

"No." He stops smiling and looks at me, seeming to be concerned by how serious I am.. He looks me straight in my face. "No I don't have a child with Melody."

"Okay." I nod my head.

I don't want to show it, but I take a sigh of relief. I close my eyes and enjoy the first few seconds of silence without painfully persistent thoughts telling me that I should prepare myself for utter destruction. I don't dwell on if he's able to look me in the eyes and lie. More of me than the some of me that doubts everything believes him.