still with you | kooksoo [COMING SOON]

prologue I

It took Jisoo until she was nine to realise her father never loved her. Those past years she kept convincing herself that what her father did was an act of love and was only trying to teach her the lessons of life.

She notices however, the difference in treatment she got compared to her brother and every single time she would brush of those thoughts, thinking she was just overthinking.

But after sixteen years, Jisoo finally accepted the reality of her father not having even an ounce of care for her.

Jisoo put the pieces together and had a hunch on why her father resented her so much

It was bad enough that her mother, his mate and love, died giving birth to her. Unfortunately, she is also an omega, the most submissive and weakest wolf.

The strong head Alpha and his beautiful true Beta conceived an Omega. Lowly and useless Omega.

At least, that was her father always said to her.

Oh, no. Jisoo's father never physically abused her, well not by his hands at least. Rather he tormented her mentally and emotionally, little by little he was slowly destroying her.

Jisoo would receive harsh, hateful and manipulative words from her father. If she was lucky she would get a compliment, back handed compliments.

During her clueless years, Jisoo blamed herself for her father's words and kept telling herself what he did was for her own good. She did and received everything he gave her so he could love her.

Even if it included her going through a brutal Alpha training.

It may not sound that bad if she wasn't an omega. She's weak and submissive by nature. She wasn't supposed to be fighting or sparring, knowing she would get injured easily.

After every training, Jisoo would find herself covered with bruises and cuts, having a potential broken jaw and ribs— Any type of injuries you can name of, Jisoo most probably gone through it. Even burns and blisters.

In other words Jisoo was pretty much almost beaten up to death.

Unbeknownst to Jisoo, she was mentally and physically abused. The Omega didn't realise that it was starting to giving her nightmares. Horrifying, dark, and twisted nightmares.

Not even realising that she had developed a severe case of social anxiety to the point she was diagnosed with selective mutism

And the day Jisoo finally realised the harsh truth about her father, she started having trust issues. She cussed herself for being so damn clueless and not picking up the hints that he would rather have her dead.

Jisoo then built a wall around her, only letting little to no people inside. The once cheerful optimistic pup has turned into a cold reserved woman.

There were only two people Jisoo trusts in her pack.

Her older brother, Kim Jihoon. Protected her like he was her rock and the only family she had left ( her father was long dead to her ). The one who would try to defend her as much as he can but with limits of course. He couldn't cross the head Alpha's orders that much but he would stretch it as far as he can

The other being her ex lover and sister-like-friend, Lalisa Moon. They both shared a romantic past with each other which thankfully ended on good terms. The half thai-half korean girl was always by Jisoo's side staying with her like her shadow. The one who took care of her both mentally and physically.

Those two are the only ones Jisoo cares and loves. The rest of her pack can honestly fuck themselves, she doesn't need any of them.

Now she's twenty-three and nothing changed except for her nightmares getting worse and worse, especially after the incident that took place eleven years ago.

It was a ruthless battle with rogues. Though they won the war, they lost more than half of the pack members.

Including her brother, Jihoon.

Jisoo felt useless, she was there with him when it happened. She could have helped him but she didn't.

She was a weak, useless and badly injured Omega.

Jisoo watched as the rogue wolf ripped her brother's head off and clawed his body until it was only covered with blood and skinned flesh. It was a traumatising and horrifying sight that would be imprinted in her brain till eternity.

Jisoo would have been killed on the spot as well, which she would have much preferred, if Lisa didn't come to her rescue.

While the rogue was busy devouring her brother, Lisa threw a lingering wolfsbane potion at the beast and dragged her away to a safe place as quick as possible.

Jisoo remembers vividly how she cried on Lisa's shoulder out of despair from the lost of her brother and trauma caused by the gruesome sight her eyes witnessed.

She was visibly shaking and fell into an emotional headspace. Lisa had to let out her pheromones in attempt to calm her down.

If experiencing such traumatic event was bad, then the aftermath was no better.

Jisoo had survivors guilt and it didn't help that she was blamed by her father for her brother's death. He punished her by locking her in a room without any food for three days. It was hell for her but she knew she deserved it. It was her fault after all.

If her and Lisa, who she forced to come with her, didn't wander of the borders and get kidnapped by rogues all of this wouldn't happened.

Kidnapped. Another traumatic experience for Jisoo where she got her Lepidopterophobia* from and her being warier towards Alphas— but that's a story for another time.

Ever panic attacks and troubled breathing became her good friends. She felt like being trapped in a small spaced box with no air holes for oxygen

She wants to escape this hell. It's tormenting her insides painfully. The light in her is slowly dimming into pitch darkness little by little.

She just wants to be to be happier.

Is that a big too much of a greed to ask for?

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** the fear of butterflies

was listening to blue n grey while writting this