I want to live. I want to love. I think I am ready.

you can hear it in the silence

«What is it, Dean?» Cas says as he meets his eyes.

«Nothing,» Dean mumbles through a smile, «nothing at all.»

Dean reaches out to take Cas's hand, kissing his knuckles. Smiling as the angel's cheeks turn slightly red, and smiling even wider at that stupidly cute smile that spreads on Cas's face. Dean would usually roll his eyes at people wearing a smile like that, but seeing Cas wearing it, because of Dean, he couldn't help but wanting Cas to wear it all the time.

That stupidly cute and adorable smile.

«Come on, angel. We should get some sleep.» Dean pulls him from the couch, leading them down the hall to his bedroom.

«Do you... do you want me to stay here?» Cas's voice sounds unsure as he stops in front of Dean's door, and as Dean turns to face him, he can see it on his face too. «I could sleep in my own room if you want to sleep alone.»

«Cas, don't be stupid. Of course, I want you to stay here. If you want to of course.»

«I do. It's just that we didn't talk about any of this, and I don't know the rules...» the little uncertain smile on his lips could melt Dean in a second.

«To be honest, I don't really know the rules myself... But, I think, maybe we should stop doing what we've been doing all these years. Instead of hiding everything, hiding how we feel, we should talk about it. Figure it out.»

«I'd like that, yeah.» Ah, that smile again.

«I don't really know anything, but I do know that I... I love you, Cas. And I've been holding back those words. Those feelings. For so long. But I don't want to anymore. I want you. I want us. And we'll just make it up as we go. Figure it out. Figure us out.» Taking a step closer, Dean places his hand against Cas's face, the other flat against his chest. «Neither of us knows how this is supposed to go, but we'll figure it out together. Maybe I even snore so badly that you want your own room, I don't know?»

Cas chuckles quietly as he leans closer to place his lips on Deans. His hands resting on Dean's hips, pulling him closer. «You do snore, Dean, I know that. But after all those times I've sat by your bed, listening to your breath. Snore. Sometimes even speak in your sleep. I find it cute.»

«Don't call me cute. I'm not cute.» Dean says as he pretends to look annoyed, hating the word, even though he kind of loves it. As long as it's Cas saying it.

«But, you are very cute, Dean.» Cas teases as he once again leans closer. Resting their foreheads together. Holding each other.

«Mir is cute. I'm not. Cute is not a word one uses to describe Dean Winchester.» He can't help but smile.

«It is true, Miracle is very cute, indeed.» At the sound of his name, Mir comes running down the hall. He stops in front of them, but when he sees that the bedroom door is open, he sneaks into the room, jumping to the bed. «But, you are very cute too. Cute. Just like your freckles. Adorable like your smile. Gorgeous like your eyes. Beautiful. Beautiful, Dean Winchester.»

After a long moment where he only stares at Cas, Dean crashes their lips together. No one has ever called him beautiful before. And for it to be Cas who speaks those words to him, makes it feel like he's flying.

«I sometimes used to count these,» Cas cups his face as he gently strokes his thumb lightly underneath Dean's eye. «But I never did find out the exact number of freckles on your beautiful face. Still, each time I sat by your bed, I tried counting them.»

«You know, there's this saying that freckles are really kisses from angels...» Dean has to chuckle as he watches Cas blush at his words. His blue eyes shining brightly.

«Would you like a couple more of those?» Cas says shyly as his thumb lightly rests against the freckles on his cheeks.

«I'll take them all, as long as you're the one painting them on my face.» He knows he's the one wearing that stupidly cute smile again. A smile that turns even more stupid and wide as Cas leans forward to place a light kiss on his nose. Kisses him lightly as he holds him close. Dean closes his eyes against the kisses as the angel's lips move across his face.

His cheek.

His jaw.

His temples.

His forehead.

«I'm no angel anymore, but you can have them all. They're all yours, and yours only.»
«You'll always be my angel, Cas.»

His lips.

His lips.

His lips.

No more words are spoken, as Dean pulls Cas with him into his bedroom. As they get close to the bed, Miracle jumps up, before taking his place at the foot-end of the bed. More kisses are given, more freckles painted on his smiling face.

These kisses. The only kisses Dean ever wants to get.

This silence. The only silence Dean ever wants to get lost in.

These arms. The only arms Dean wants to hold him.

Laying down in bed, they hold around each other, no space left between them. Dean thought he knew what happiness was. But nothing has ever been able to even compare to what he feels in this moment. This happiness. This joy. This safety. This love.

Falling asleep in Cas's arms for the first time, Dean decides that he never wants to fall asleep alone again.

He wants to fall asleep like this, forever. Falling asleep to the steady rhythm of a heart beating, a sound so beautiful in a silence so beautiful. His head resting against Cas's bare chest, resting against his heart, Dean can hear his heartbeats. 

Heartbeats. His human heart beating against his chest.

Heartbeats.

The sound of his heartbeats in the silence.

The most beautiful sound.

His heart beating, for Dean.

Just as Dean's heart beats for Cas.

// AN //

Thank you so much for reading! :)

I was not planning on this being this long, but as I started writing I just felt like writing more... I don't know how long it will be, but writing this has really helped me lately. I've been having a rough time lately, so I've lost myself in reading and writing, although even that has been hard. I've got two more chapters saved in my drafts, but like with this one I'm not happy with them, but at the moments I'm happy to just be writing... I hope reading this can be of help to someone else who is still in denial after the finale, or someone who just needs to get lost in fanfic, like me.

Again, I apologize for any typos/grammar mistake, English is not my first language, and I haven't really had the energy to proofread the last chapters.

Thank you so much to everyone who has read/commented so far, I really appreciate it! :)