Freak

20.

"That's up to you, I can't help you with that decision Blue." He told her.

"I'll go find him" she had to. Standing up she got ready to leave her father when he grabbed on to her arm stilling her movement "Wait!" he looked unsure of what he wanted to say "I- I just, argh... I'm sorry I- I'm so bad with words, I just, I just want you to know that I'm sorry, I looked for you, WE looked for you, everywhere, but then there was the note and even if it wasn't like you, I thought maybe I'd done something wrong and you were upset, and that you just, I don't know, wrote it in a hurry... I'm so sorry Blue, I let you down, I promised to always be there an-and I wasn't, not when it counted, and then I lived with that scum! For years! And I never knew, never understood. If-If you don't want me around in the same was anymore I understand, but if you give me another shot at this whole father thing I promise to do better, the best I can at least..." there was so much heart in every word that came from his mouth.

Blue hadn't even thought that all of this could be his fault in any way. At that moment, for the first time, Blue realized that she didn't know this man. She knew him from the eyes of a child, she loved him, cared for him, but she didn't know him, not really.

"I'll always forgive you, you're the only father I've ever had, the only one that wanted me at least..." she sat down again, facing him "I think, maybe we need some time to become what we were, maybe we'll have to fight for it, but you are my dad and I would never want any other, you're stuck with me, I'm a Morgan you know, stubborn as hell!" they shared a smile, knowing it was true "I'll probably be a pain in the ass, and you'll probably embarrass me in front of boys"

"Think I'll let any boys close enough?" he interrupted her, raising an eyebrow

"Think I'll care?" she countered "As I was saying, old man"

"Hey!"

" OOOOOLD man, you're stuck with me, so you don't need another shot, I'm not a moving target, I'll stand nice and still so you won't even have to aim." She felt very philosophical.

***

Arthur smiled as his daughter left the tent. Putting his hands behind his head he laid back down on the hard ground, staring up at the shadows that danced over the white fabric. He knew there were challenges ahead, he would have to learn and adapt to a life with a teenage daughter, something, he thought, he wouldn't have done all too long ago. She changed him and though Arthur had never seen himself as a good man, he did believe she'd made him better, if only a little bit.

***

She found Dutch sitting alone on a log some way away form the bustling camp. He twitched as she sat down next to him, shoulder to shoulder. They stayed like that for some time, neither of them knowing what to do or what to say.

"I've done wrong princess" he finally said, his voice coming from deep within his chest.

"He wasn't a good man, he would have died sooner or later" she wanted to comfort him, no she needed to comfort him. Carefully she picked up his big hand, cradling it in both of her smaller ones. It laid palm up and she could se every line, scar and roughness, every moment of hard work.

"Not that princess, I don't regret what I did, if I could go back I would only have you out of the way before I did what I did, I shouldn't have put you in that situation" he turned his head and looked at her "what I did wrong... was to trust a rat, I knew he was bad, knew the others didn't like him, I knew the way he treated you and yet I never saw, that is what I did wrong, I was blind and I let him take you away, and not even then did I see." His voice was rough, tears on the brim of flowing over. The thought that Dutch van der Linde could be vulnerable and filled with regret had never crossed Blue's mind.

"You didn't know" she tried.

"It's my job to know, I'm suppose to be a leader, people trust me to know, to take care of them and I failed to do that, I couldn't even protect a child" now one of the little beads broke loose and rolled down his cheek. With a gentle touch she caught it.

Leaning her head on his shoulder she said "when I saw you in the crowd, I stopped breathing. I've seen you so many times, you and papa and all the others, I saw you everywhere. But it was never actually you, not until the other day. I left so many people behind Dutch, in some way I feel like a monster for doing so, but I did it because I need you, all of you. Papa asked me for forgiveness today, and I know you're about to do the same, so I'll spare you the words. I will always forgive you" she looked back up at him "because we're family and I love you, the circus was my family too, but I chose you and if you allow me to then I'll spend the rest of my life in this gang, outlaw or not." Kissing his cheek she stood up, offering him her hand "come on, I think we need to sit down with some of the others to catch up, don't you think?"

"Always the vise one princess"

***

Not much got done in camp that day. Blue sat by the table and people came and went as she told them what she had been doing and they told her what they had been doing. The hours ticked by and even if the subject was grim they focused on the lighter parts. It was nearly time for the sun to go down when there was a shriek from the edge of camp.

Everyone's head snapped around in unison, staring towards the direction of the continuous shrieking.

"HELP!!" it was Kieran... At first everyone got scared, no one wanted any more drama, but then they saw what was happening and suddenly Blue was the only one with a horrified expression on her face.

There, at the edge of cam, Kieran was being thrashed from sided to side by a very unhappy Friesian stallion.

"Ono! ARES PUT HIM DOWN!" zigzagging between laughing gang member she ran towards the terrified man. Why didn't she tell them?! Who stupid could she be!

"ARES!!!" the horse kept on shaking his head with the poor man's shirt in his mouth. Once she reached the he held the man as far up as he could, meaning Kieran's feet weren't touching the ground anymore. Grabbing onto the reins, which Kieran had probably tried to remove, she pulled on them, hoping the man wouldn't suffocate from the collar of his shirt.

"Ares you put him down this instant!" she used her angry-mother-voice, the stallion did not let him down but lowered his head slightly.

"Areeees! Now!" reluctantly Ares let go of the shirt, causing Kieran to crumble to the ground. And as if to show that he still won Ares stepped on the man's ass cheek, pinching it to the ground, causing another shriek from the man.

"ARES!" the horse neighed in response, not sorry at all.

"You're in so much trouble!" she scolded the proud horse. Gently helping Kieran up, she apologized over and over, "I'm so sorry Kieran, I forgot to tell you, he's not very fond of men, oh I'm so sorry!"

"I-It's fine, I-I'm okay... r-really just shocked, I'll be fine" he blushed heavily, the others where still snickering and Blue sent them all death glares.

"Oh shut up, you wouldn't be so happy if he got a hold of you!" still they smiled "You just wait until he starts figuring out where you sleep" now the stopped smiling

"The hell that suppose to mean?" Sean asked, confusion apparent on his face.

"All I'm saying is; sleep with one eye open" winking at the man she left them all staring at her and then at the horse "because there was a reason the men locked their doors at the circus..." she finished with a laugh, evil enough the make them nervous.

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This is more of a filler chapter I guess, felt like I needed to get all of this in before I can start giving you some Arthur-in-panic-father-mode-content. Also... two chapters in a week? Who am I? (Totally not procrastinating.... Totally not suppose to be writing a 7-10 pages long analysis on The Hobbit and it's similarities to old Nordic literature.... Or a test for my antiquity studies... nope, not.at.all!)

Anyways... hope you like it good enough, not the most creative chapter I know but it's what came to me on this snowy day (also I'm snowed in so that's fun).

Thank you for reading, commenting and liking.

Love// Linnéa