(BoyxBoy) Behind everything unspoken

Seventeen chepter

You idiot,it's even harder because it's you.Don't you really see how much I like you?

ME:"I have anxiety.More precisely,Social anxiety."

I say in one breath.

ME:"It's hard for me...It's hard for me to talk to people and be around them.You know, I don't fit into society. I never did. And that's ..."

At that moment,I feel his hand over mine. I stopped squeezing my hands into the fist and relaxed. I looked at him automatically, and he was already looking at me. He intertwined his fingers with mine and grabbed my hand tightly.

ME:"It bothers me in life. It bothers me a lot. It's like pressure that is constantly rising and falling. Fear that I don't know how to describe. Fear is always there, you know? Fear of people, communication, fear of yourself, everything. ..Just fear, Alann. Because of that fear, I've been rejected by society my whole life. "

I squeeze his hand harder and I can already feel the tears gathering in my eyes. No, God. I can't cry in front of him again. That would be a shame.

ME:"I went to countless psychologists because of anxiety and depression. I wanted to help myself, but I couldn't. They gave me a million tranquilizers and different shit,but it didn't help me.I feel like some sick man."

ALANN:"The day when you fell off the skate and started to suffocate...I knew it was a panic attack."

ME:"Yes,it was.It happens to me often when I'm alone."

ALANN:"Hey .."

He puts his hand on my chin and turns my head towards him so I can look at him.

ALANN: "Don't be ashamed to cry.That isn't a sign of weakness."

ME: "I don't cry."

ALANN:"As soon as I saw you that day,I knew there was something different about you.You must remember the day when we first time saw each other."

ME:"In my apartment?"

ALANN:"No.Before we met."

ME:"I was hoping you'd forget that."

ALANN:"Well,I didn't.I immediately recognized the sadness in you.Even your eyes reflect a tormented heart. "

I look down, feeling completely uncomfortable and powerless now.

ALANN:"Don't worry.You're not alone anymore."

I couldn't resist those words without looking him in the eye. They were so warm and gave me support.And for the first time I really didn't feel alone.

ALANN:"I'm here,okay?For anything...You have me.You'll never be alone again."

I feel him move his hands to my neck.I so fucking want to kiss him.Can I do that? What if he gets angry?No.I need to know first if he's straight.I don't want to ruin what we have now.

But I really can't get along anymore.

ME:"Are you a streight?

ALANN:"What?"

Oh,shit.

ME:"Um, nothing.I just..."

I move away from him.

ALANN:"I didn't."

Okay, I hear sounds that aren't exists.

ME:"Are you serious?"

ALANN:"Do you want me to be serious?"

I'm dying.I'm dying.Why are you doing this to me?

ME:"I don't know..."

ALANN:"Do you want me to tell you I'm just kidding?"

ME:"No...I want you to be serious when you tell me you're not straight."

I will definitely regret saying this.

ALANN:"I'm serious, Victorio...I kissed you before."

He moves closer to me.

Oh, God.Oh, shit.I'm starting to panic.

Both of his hands were still on my neck.I look down at his lips which are literally calling me.Okay, that's it.I have no more control over myself.

I raise my hands to his face and touch his cheeks.He has such delicate skin.I bring my face closer to his and connect our foreheads.

ME:"Do it again"

ALANN:"What?"

He said softly, as if whispering.

ME:"Kiss me."

ALANN:"Hell yes..."

We both laugh at that.My heart is crazy in my chest.

ALANN:"You have no idea how much I really want that,Victorio."

ME:"Me too...Just fucking kiss me already."

At that moment,he quickly tilted his head toward me and connected his lips with mine.