Rule #3: Changing The Rules

[19]

Ten seconds.

It took me ten seconds to process what he said. Pakiramdam ko, nakatira ako sa panaginip at hindi ito ang realidad. Maybe everything that has happened is unreal. Baka tulog pa rin ako sa kuwarto ko at hindi na magising.

"What!?" Napabitaw ako sa sinabi niya. I just find it hard to believe that he wants me to be his girlfriend, now. Ilang beses na akong nasaktan na may gusto siyang iba. Ilang beses na akong umasa at binabawi niya naman, kaya ano ito?

Walang halong biro ang lumabas sa mga mata niya. I remember how he kissed me that night and how he often flirts with me. Hindi lang naman sa akin siya ganoon, kaya hindi ko alam ang dapat paniwalaan.

He sighed. "Just answer it."

"How will I answer something that I don't understand?"

Mahirap paniwalaan dahil hindi ko man lang naramdaman. He liked Lia, siya ang alam kong gusto niya at hindi ako! Kaya paanong ako ang inaalok niyang maging girlfriend ngayon?

Am I just a second or third fucking option? Tinanggihan din ba siya ni Rie kaya sa akin nalang siya lumalapit dahil alam niyang gusto ko siya?

If that's the case? Then he's fucked up.

I looked at him with confusion. "Ano ba 'yang sinasabi mo? Is this a fucking prank? Epekto ba 'yan ng pagkabali mo?"

Umiling siya.

"It's not, I really want you to be my girlfriend. I'm telling the truth—"

"Truth?" I massaged my forehead and tried to think this through. "You rejected me!"

"You were the one who said that, not me." aniya at bumuntong-hininga. "I wasn't going to reject you, but you assumed that I did. Iniwasan mo 'ko at binigyan kita ng space. I wasn't sure of what you felt and you seemed in love with Cairus, kaya hinayaan kita."

His jaw clenched and looked at me. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa sinabi niya. My trust issues are heightening, right now.

"I let you date whoever you want, kiss whoever you want, because I know you wouldn't want anyone to interfere with your life. Ilang taon kong tiniis na hindi mangialam sa buhay mo. I didn't make a move, dahil takot akong may magbago sa atin. I was contented being your friend that I settled for that, even though I wanted more. And damn... I never thought that I would fall in love with you, like this!"

Lalong nanlaki ang mata ko sa narinig. In love?

"I let you fucking free, because I don't have a right to hinder you from doing so. Tinago ko ang nararamdaman ko, kahit na alam kong gusto kita dahil kumplikado ang sitwasyon, I couldn't—" He stopped midway and shook his head. "I couldn't get you, because..."

Pinigilan niya ang sarili sa pagsasalita. I don't understand. What does he mean by that?

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang unang mararamdaman. I'm happy, yes. Dahil parehas kami ng nararamdaman. Pero may mali e... I don't know if it's just me, but I can't get myself to believe him.

He closed his eyes tightly and muttered a lot of curses.

"I'm just so fucking in love with you, Elisse Amelia Buenavista Gallego. Everyday, you make me doubt myself. I don't think I am ever deserving of you..."

I crossed my arms and looked down. Hindi ko siya maharap. I am scared.

"B-But, kay Lia? D-Did you really like her?" I asked and hoped for a favorable answer. Na sana gusto na niya ako noon at hindi siya nagkagusto sa best friend ko. Na sana, pinagseselos niya lang ako.