Vengeance

10- Regrets

Tubbo awoke. The grass was wet with an early morning dew. He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes with a soft yawn. How did he get out here? Tubbo thought for a moment.

"Oh." He said remembering the events of the past day. The boy looked towards his best friend's grave. He felt a tear roll down his cheek, the monotony of crying stifled his other reflexes.

Tubbo brushed it off with the sleeve of his now dirtied suit. He had to stay strong. The L'manberg president had to fulfil his duty as such.

Tubbo stood up and gently placed a hand the headstone he had slept beside. He had to live for the both of them now. The brunette walked off decisively, putting power behind each step.

Out of the clearing, the boy passed Tnret on his way back to the portal. He halted near the rotting woollen structure. Tubbo brushed the fabric entrance aside and walked in to the tent. He didn't know why he had entered but he sat down on the dusty bed with a sigh.

For a short while, the boy just sat there deep in thought, hand to chin, elbow to knee. His leg bounced slightly, the tapping of his shoe rhythmic on the wooden planks that had been laid there. The boy reached over to the ender chest that lay in the corner of the tent. He leaned in deeper than the chest went and retracted his arm, pulling out a circular black object. It was about the size of a large dinner plate with purple and white stripes breaking the black monotony at its core. There was a hole in the center of the object which Tubbo had held to procure the disk. He sat back down on the bed again, sending up clouds of dust as he did so. Tubbo turned the disk over in his hands, fiddling with its gentle grooves. This was Tommy's. The boy never had time to give it back to his best friend, he had even refused to do so before, back when he had the chance. He regretted those decisions. Now, all he wished for was his friend back.

Tubbo felt warm touch of tears once more, he was used to it by now yet they still flooded out along with memories of the younger boy. He flipped the disk again, reading the words Mellohi painted on to the purple and white label. His thumb gently brushed over the words. It was time he returned this.

The boy rose to his feet and wandered back to the headstone that had been laid for his friend. He gently placed the disk down next to it, letting it slip down the rock a little as it found its place. He had given Tommy his disk back. This was the closest thing he could do to that. He thought that he might just be doing this to clear his conscience, to try and make up for how he had treated the boy. Either way, he didn't care why he was doing what he did. He knew that he just needed to act. It would've been what the boy wanted, anyway.

The hours of crying had begun to numb his pain. He had to return to his duties. Tubbo stood up after leaving the disk and headed back to L'manberg, for good this time.

He returned to the concerned faces of his allies and cabinet, a darker more hollowed look in his eyes.

"Tubbo," the two tone began, "Things will get better."

The two tone member of his cabinet had apparently been waiting for the boy as he entered L'manberg.

The foxlike man popped his head out from behind a nearby tree and continued on from what the two tone had said.

"And once they do, we have some important business to attend to."

Tubbo nodded in recognition.

"Let's meet later today," the brunette began coolly, "I need to get myself cleaned off before we convene."

Ranboo tilted his head in concern at the boy's eagerness while the fox squinted a little.

"Alright-" The fox said reluctantly before the young president began walking away. The ginger looked at the two tone who responded with a concerned shrug. They had both planned to give him time, to let him grieve and rest before he had to return to his duties. It seemed the boy wanted to return as fast as possible.

Tubbo made his way towards the pier. From the nether portal, he walked through L'manberg, ignoring the sights around him. A few concerned faces peeked out from behind doors or through windows, everyone knew who Tommy's death had hit the hardest. Passing by Phils's house, Tubbo was interrupted by a soft voice.

"Tubbo?" A feminine voice gently cooed, "Have you seen Phil?"

Tubbo stared blankly at Niki before turning away.

"No," he said softly, "No I haven't."

"Oh," the woman responded, "Nobody has seen him since the funeral yesterday..." she trailed off. "I thought he might be with you."

Tubbo said nothing more. He moved away from the woman and continued walking, leaving the blonde where she stood.

His walk to the pier was short. A pair of feet clattered on the boards and Tubbo made his way to the end. He slung his legs over the tip of the pier, removing his shoes quickly before dangling his feet in the water. He felt it's cool touch almost reassuring, reminding him that he was still here. Tubbo sighed and stared blankly off in to the horizon.

It was almost noon. The sun shone down on L'manberg vibrantly as storm clouds threatened the peace in the distance. Tubbo stared down at the water, noon sun catching his reflection. He looked ragged. One night sleeping rough had left the boy looking shabby, though it was nothing compared to how Tommy had lived. Maybe... Just maybe he was happier being dead, Tubbo thought. His chest ached at the thoughts of his friend. The thought that Tommy might be happier without Tubbo. The thought that Tubbo had driven Tommy to kill himself. He hated feeling like this.

"I wish I could've just told him how much he meant to me." The boy whispered to himself, voice breaking at various intervals. "I regret... everything." He breathed, curling himself in to a little ball again.

He looked to his side at the water. It seemed to go on forever, as if the sea had no floor. Tubbo stared at it. He had never feared the water, it had always been his friend. The boy wanted to jump in and float. If he floated for long enough, maybe he could drift away from everything. His life had been full of grief and suffering, constant war between his country and the next. Tubbo wanted out. He lingered on that thought. Maybe he could see Tommy again, maybe they could be friends once more and do things that regular kids would do. Maybe he would just fade to black. Tubbo didn't care. If there was a chance he could see his friend again then so be it.

He had to apologise.

He uncurled himself and stood, staring out in to the open ocean.

A loud noise broke him from his trance.

An explosion.