affluenza (1.) | ✔️

In and Out

I smile back at him. "You two were close then?"

He nods. "I guess so. As close as we could be. In the end, it wasn't enough," he murmurs. "He killed himself just before I started second grade. I just remember finding him, his eyes staring back at me. I thought he was sleeping with his eyes open and called my mother in to see. She started crying, so I did too. Every memory I have of my father is vague except for that one. That one I can never forget."

My chest aches. "Sebastian, you know that wasn't your fault, right? Your father didn't kill himself because you weren't enough for him. That was never the case."

"You don't know how many times I've tried to make myself believe that, Brayls," he whispers. "I know he loved me. But if he did, then why wasn't that enough?"

"It was," I repeat. "The weight he was carrying just made him lose sight of that. It's not your fault."

He smiles sadly at me. "Your mom's crap isn't your fault, either."

       I swallow hard. "I know that. I know it. I've been trying hard to believe it too."

       Sebastian reaches underneath the table and loops our fingers together, smiling ruefully at me. "They messed us up pretty good, huh?"

        I chuckle, squeezing his hand. "That they did."

        The rest of the night is lighthearted and we don't speak about our past traumas. We eat and laugh and make fun of the wealthy socialites dining beside us. "That guy's name has to be Timothy," Sebastian remarks, laughing behind his hand.

        "You should go and ask him if it is," I respond back, taking a sip of my water.

        "Are you daring me to?"

        "Yes. I double dog dare you."

        Sebastian grins and stands up, wiping his mouth on the expensive napkin that had previously laid across his lap. I watch as he saunters over to the man, the picture of confidence. They talk for a few moments before shaking hands and laughing loudly. It must've been five minutes before he walked back over to me, a grin on his face. "So?" I press.

        "Reginald," he responds back with a bashful grin. "He used to babysit my mother, apparently. Good lad."

I raise an eyebrow. "Good lad? Yeah, let's get out of here before you begin to sound even richer than you already are."

Sebastian grins at me. "Deal. I have somewhere I want to take you, anyways."

I raise my eyebrows again, this time in question. "Really? Where are we going?"

"For me to know and you to find out, baby," he responds, grinning cheekily.

        Sebastian pays the bill and pretends to not notice my pout as he does before looping our fingers together and leading me back to his car. We're driving in minutes and he turns on the radio. It's a country song, and I'm taken back to the day he first began to teach me to swim, the day that things sort of shifted with us. I look at the blurring lights and then back to Sebastian's face, paler than it would be in the summertime. "Seb?"

        He glances over at me. "Yeah?"

        "You said you didn't realize you liked me until that day we went swimming together," I say, smirking softly. "So when did you actually begin liking me?"

His cheeks turn red almost instantly, and I'm surprised. "I was sort of hoping I'd never have to tell you this."

I move a bit so my body is facing him entirely. "Well, now you have to. When was it? Freshman year? Sophomore?"

"Sixth grade," he whispers back, focusing on the road. "I guess that's when I...started thinking about you differently."

My eyes widen. "We were twelve!"

"I know, I know," he mumbles, laughing softly. "Do you wanna hear the story, or not?"

He glances over at me and I nod vehemently, pretending to lock my lips.

Sebastian sighs softly. "It was the summertime. The school's annual carnival. I was with the guys and we'd decided to grab some cotton candy before we got on the next ride. And after I went to pay for it all, I saw you. You were kissing Kaila Johnson."

I chuckle softly. "I remember that. She was my first kiss. You were there?"

"I was. And it pissed me off," he admits with a laugh. "I watched you kiss her and kiss her and kiss her and all I wanted to do was throw something at the both of you, just so you'd stop. I didn't realize it was jealousy for a while. But it was always there. Whenever you were with someone or liked someone, it hurt."

I raise an eyebrow. "Didn't you sleep with Kaila Johnson freshman year?"

He smirks bashfully. "Of course I did. If I couldn't have you, I didn't want anyone to get the chance."

I laugh, shaking my head. "She was a good kisser."

"Very good," he agrees and then turns his head to look at me. He smiles once and I return it. "But you were always the one I really wanted."

I shake my head in disbelief. "How come you never told me?"

"I don't know. I thought you were straight and a pain in my butt. I was confused," he mumbles. "It's why I pushed you away after you kissed me at Devin's that first time. I thought it was some cruel, practical joke. Because why would Braylen Adams, my arch nemesis be kissing me? I had imagined that moment for so long and when it finally happened, I don't know. I didn't believe it."

I bite my lip. "Trust me. I was just as confused as you. Probably more."

He grins and suddenly stops the car. I'd been so wrapped up in our conversation I hadn't been paying attention to where he was taking us. It was some sort of bridge, the lights of California bright below us. Where he'd stopped clearly wasn't a parking spot, though, and I gawk at him. "We're stopping traffic," I laugh as he reaches over and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"There's no one else here, baby," he responds easily, sliding out the car and gesturing for me to do the same.

After only a moment's hesitation, I step out of the car and into the cool night air with him. He climbs up the ledge to the bridge, spreading his arms out wide. "You're going to fall," I shout over the wind.

"I'm not, trust me. I do this all the time." he responds, laughing breathily. "Come up here!"

Fear pricks at my heart as I take in the ledge and the complete danger of the entire situation. But then he turns around, smiling widely at me and I'm suddenly giving him my hand and he's pulling me up to the ledge.

"Whoa!" I mumble, clutching onto his hips and snuggling up closer to him. Below us a large body of water that seems to be at least 60 feet down shimmers back up at us. "You really stand up here a lot?"

        "Yeah," Sebastian breathes, his eyes wide with adrenaline. "I do."

        "You're crazy," I exclaim, laughing.

Sebastian kisses my forehead, pulling me closer. "Then what does that make you?" he questions, laughing along with me. I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him look more alive.

Sebastian's eyes twinkle as he takes in the view, the water below us and the city lights surrounding us and I feel myself falling in a completely different way than I'd feared.