𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝒹 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊.
It was a sleepless night. For both JJ and Amy. She would blame it on the alcohol but knew it was her head swarming with JJ that was affecting her sleep. She was constantly checking the time, hoping it would finally be an acceptable time to wake up, but stopped counting after it reached 4am. Close enough, she figured. She knew JJ would be on the pullout but he usually was a deep sleeper so she got up. She made her way to the bathroom, freezing in front of the mirror to look at her reflection. She was a mess. Pale, washed out skin, unnaturally dark circles underneath her eyes, flaked mascara which just added to the raccoon effect. She looked like a crack addict. "Fuck." she murmured realising how rough she probably looked last night.
The girl vigorously scrubbed at her face with water, trying to remove yesterdays make-up. She ran a brush through her tangled hair and decided that was as good as it was gonna get. She walked out of the bathroom, surprised to see JJ up. Ruffled hair, bags under his eyes. "Couldn't sleep." He mumbled noticing her staring.
"Yeah. Me neither." She whispered.
"Coffee?"
"Ah yes please." She smiled but he didn't give her one in return. "Actually JJ could we talk?" She noticed his hesitation in the way he grimaced slightly. "Please?"
"Fine. What do you want to talk about Amy?" He asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.
"Why'd you leave last night?" She asked simply. All that slipped through his lips was a scoff in response. "I needed you JJ. I needed you and you left."
"But you always need me! and I'm not always gonna be there."
"But you could've been there. You've been gone for so long I just needed you there with me just once." She paused as they both fell silent. "What's even going through your head right now? Don't you miss us at all?"
"Of course I fucking miss us! I can't replace you. I can't. And you hurt me, you really did but I can't find anyone like you. And it bothers me so much because I can't go back to someone that hurt me the way that you did."
"We hurt each other JJ. Don't pretend it was just me."
"You cheated on me! I would never do that to you. What did I ever do to hurt you?" His voice broke, eyes glazed with tears willing to fall as he blinked to hold them back. His sadness was quickly replaced with anger as he started to rant. "What the fuck did I ever do? I was there when you decided to experiment with drugs again. The SAME drug that my father abuses and I still looked after you, comforted you, despite how much pain I was in having to watch the ONE person I truly care about cause so much destruction to herself. I was there when your mother passed, I was there when you spiralled out of control with addiction. There when you lost all of your friends. I was ALWAYS there no matter what!" He left the girl stunned, backed against the wall as he moved closer to her as he spoke. "Answer me!"
'I stared into those bright blue eyes burning with anger, and my heart fell silent. "Answer me!" he screamed. But I couldn't will my lips to move. It was as if I was stuck underwater, everything was slow and warped as he pointed a shaky finger in my face. "Do you have nothing to say? I have poured my heart out to you, now tell me what you're thinking!" he demanded. But my mind was blank and my eyes wide as I stared at him in horror. His eyes desperately searched mine. waiting. I had to say something and I searched my mind for something reasonable to say,"I love you, JJ."
"That's the problem Amy. I love you with my whole heart. But every time this happens I get so angry. So fucking angry and I am turning into my dad. More and more every time. And it makes me so scared." He started to choke on his words and as soon as they slipped from his lips, Amy's heart broke for him.
"No. No. Don't say that. You could never turn into that. You're too good for this world. You're too good for me, too FUCKING good for him." She spat out the word in disgust. "Look, I remember your mother dearly. She was an angel, and you are too. You are." She glanced up from the ground to see tears now running down his face. "I'm. Fuck JJ I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." He looked so helpless which was so unnatural to his usual demeanour. Slowly she moved closer to him, cupping his face and gently kissing his cheek before letting him rest his head on her shoulder. Her hands stroked through his hair ever so softly as his arms wrapped around her waist. She just held him comfortingly as he broke into sobs.
"I miss her." He murmured.
"Me too baby. Me too."
