Stay (Tronnor)

Revealing my dark side

He doesn't say anything, but he knows that we know, he knows. I trust him, and I know he'd never tell anyone unless we allow him, but I wasn't ready for everyone to find out. I love Troye, and I am in no way ashamed of being his boyfriend, rather the reverse. It makes kind of sense, that Ty is fast to figure it all out, he has known all along that I am gay, just like Zoe. But I haven't made it official, and it feels strange that everyone finds out like this. 

Someone knocks the door, and a security guy comes in "Your taxi's are here now, pack up your things, you leave in ten" He leaves the door open, and everyone gets up from whatever they've been sitting/lying on, and we all grab our jackets and bags. On our way out the door, Tro grabs my hand. We walk a bit behind the others, hand in hand, just looking each other deep in the eyes. I am so in love with this boy, I don't know how I've been able to live without him my entire life. No words can describe how delighted it makes me to be with him, I feel like the luckiest person on earth. 

Zoe, Troye and I share a cap, and Caspar, Ty and Joe take the other one. I know Ty is not really getting along very well with Caspar and Joe, and that the two hour ride back to LA will be extremely long and boring for him, but Tro persuaded him to swich cap with Zoe, because they so rarely see each other. I kind of appreciate that, Zoe is just a little more pleasent to spend a long ride with, when you are tired and not in the mood for someone to be sassy. Don't get me wrong, I really love Ty, but he can get on my nerves when I'm tired, and I don't want this day to end on a bad note. 

Zoe Takes the front seat, leaving me and Tro with the three back seats to our selves, which is really nice of her. I know she wants to talk to us, and we're still going to, but she gives us some space, and I appreciate that. She is the best, really. I brought my pillow, because I know how tired I get from driving in the evening, and it's dark outside, which only adds to it. But after an hour in the car, chatting with me and Zoe, Troye is so tired that he can't even concentrate on answering Zoe's questions, and his head keeps falling over.

I squeeze his hand and the pillow out of my bag. "Here Tro" I say and hand it to him. He smiles exhaustedly and takes the pillow "Thanks Con" He leans forward and plants a discreet kiss on my lips before placing the pillow against the window and leaning his head on it. After a couple minutes I can hear his breath slowing down, and his lips sligtly open. He looks adorable when he is sleeping, so innocent and precious, my own little angel. I literally see him as an angel, he is so perfect. I don't understand how he is real, and the fact that he loves me, it's just so surreal, I can't understand it.

 We drop Zoe off in front of her hotel before driving back to my apartment. Before we go, she asks me if we can find a day to go shopping with her. "I know you're good with clothing, and I'd love it if you would help me out a bit. I hate to o shopping alone" She smiles, and I tell her that ofcourse, we can. "I'll text you the closest date!" I say and wace as the care starts driving. Troye has said goodbye to her, and he is alredy asleep again, this time leaning against me, with his head on my chest, cuddling the pillow. There is something special about someone falling asleep on you, like they trust you. It reminds me of that one time, when my cat fell asleep on my lap, and I didn't want to move, cause I didn't want to wake him, so I just sat there for an hour until he decided to wake up. 

When the cap stops in front of my apartment, I gently pet Troye on the head and whisper in his ear. "Wake up Tro, we're home" He opens his eyes slowly and blink a couple times. We get out of the car and into my apartment. It's 11pm, and we are both too exhausted to do anything, so we just go straight to my bed, cuddle up and fall asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning, I decide to go for a run before making breakfast. I run pass the grocery and pick up some eggs and avocado. When I'm back home, I start boiling the eggs, and prepare the avocado. I know Tro loves this breakfast. I get a mini heart attack and almost drop the huge kitchen knife I have in my hand, when a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a couple lips place a soft kiss on my neck. I sigh and say "Good morning Troye boy, have you slept well?" He rests his chin on my shoulder. "Yes, probably the best I've slept for years" A strange noise comes from the burner, and Troye saves my eggs from becoming a disaster, and helps me prepare the rest of the breakfast. 

After we've eaten the most delicious breakfast - who knew eggs and avocado could taste that good? - We have an Hour together, then I have to go for a business meeting, and Troye has to meet his manager and a couple other important people to talk about his next album. He is very excited, and I am so happy for him. We end up spending the hour on the couch. When there are thirty minutes 'till he has to go, I start feeling weird. It takes me a while to find out, what it is, but then I recognize it. The darkness in the back of my mind is moving, growing, slowly taking over. I don't need this right now, I don't want Troye to see this side of me. He has to go soon, and I don't want to ruin his good mood. I try to just keep talking, answering his questions, but he can tell I am present. 

"Con da bon, are you okay?" He looks a bit worried. Twenty minutes 'till he leaves. "Yes, I'm fine" But I say it too fast. He tries to look me in the eyes, but I avoid him. I don't want him to know this, it's not pretty. "Connor Franta, what is wrong? tell me!" I can't take it anymore, and I allow my tears to flow unchecked. Troye put's his arms around me and holds me tight, kissing me on my hair. "Connor" He says and takes my hand in his. "What is wrong? You know you can tell me anything" He starts rocking me back and forth. So I tell him. I tell him everything. I tell him, that I sometimes see a psychologist, and that she says I'm depressed. I tell him about the darkness that sometimes takes over, how I have given in to the dark and hurt myself in my past. How alone I have felt, unable to do anything about it. As I tell him this, he tightens his grib around my hand. When I'm done, all he says is "I'm sorry" And kisses my hand. 

Suddenly, Troye has to go. But instead of getting up from the sofa and go to meet his manager, he calls him and adjourns the meeting. The next hour we just sit there in silence, holding each other. When I finally have no more tears left, I dry my eyes and turn around to look at him. "I love you" I say searchingly, trying to figure out weather this has canged his feelings for me. He smiles and kisses me. The kiss is so deep, intense and filled with love that I understand, nothing can change how he feels about me. He loves me. And I love him.