Something That Glitters

27 // Wing Kids Winging It

Wing Kids Winging It

If I tell someone that I am a role model, they have to believe me.

For starters, when I was a kid, I always got to bed on time, which was how I'd grown taller and beautiful. I never chewed loudly, and no one has ever heard me slurp hot coffee or tea. I took waste segregation seriously that most times I contemplated in front of the waste bins for two minutes. I could fix plumbing fiascos myself. Hmm. What else—ah! I let my classmates copy my test answers in middle school, but if I didn't like them as a person, I'd change my answer first so they would copy the wrong ones. Kekeke! And, ooh, I remembered being told by mom that she was full-on radiating when she was carrying me as a fetus, and so there's that. It's counted. I made a person glow when I was just a fetus! A top-tier bragging right. How about that, eh?

I finished my entire education without a boyfriend, not even one fling—which sucked, by the way. I established the Gurang Gang in my imagination, where the members didn't know they were members. And I gave all of them weekly judgments as to how they each did as a senile person. Jerry was always at the bottom of the roster, unfortunately. Nice pal, still. Cool tavern, so there's that.

Aaand setting the record straight, my most esteemed one to date, today at exactly four forty-six pm, New York time, I had become a hairdresser.

"Girl, look at me, please," I asked of Auntie. She looked at me and I saw that her curls were the bomb already, but I figured I could do it better.

"Mamimili lang tayo ng damit, Snooki. Eh kung bakit mo naman ako inayusan pa."

Sinuklay ko ang buhok ni Auntie gamit ang kamay ko para humuyag 'yong pagkakulot noon.

"Eh 'di ba nga po, praktis ko 'to before I fix your hair again for the pamamanhikan dinner," paalala ko. Inii-spray-an ko na ang buhok niya ng hairspray. Then, my masterpiece was done. Binigay ko sa kanya ang salamin para makita niya ang magandang sarili.

"There." I giggled and said, "Manghihina na niyan sayo si Uncle Benj, Auntie! Ikukulot ko ulit ang hair mo sa honeymoon niyo."

"Snooki!"

"Hmm? Grabe, ikukulot ko lang naman para may uunatin si Uncle habang—"

"Lika na't gagabihin na tayo!"

Kinurot ni Auntie ang pisngi ng puwit ko kaya nagtigil na ako. It's just hair-talk! Ugh. Old people were no fun.

When I turn fifty, I promise to still be as fun as the twenty-something Snooki Henilza! Resident blooming girl, cool former chameleonogist, sassy plumber on the side, and always a multi-talented human. It's little something I should be for being a paboritong tao ni Lord.

It was after work. We closed Daily Bloom early because we're meeting Uncle Benj and Archer at Bloomingdale's to shop for the oldies' clothes.

Bilang wala naman akong sasakyan dito o international driver's license, nag-cab na lang kami ni Auntie papuntang 59th Street. Hindi na rin kami nagpasundo kay Archer kasi nakakahiya naman, madalas na siyang naaabala sa trabaho.

Eh pero siya rin naman ang gustong laging sumama. Wala namang namimilit. Hmm. Naisip ko tuloy, grabe, iba na pala talaga ang ganda kong taglay. Sobrang I love it for me!

"Auntie, Archer texted me that they're in the men's section looking for neckties. Sila na lang daw ang pupunta sa atin mamaya."

"Alright." She sighed and mumbled, "I'm too old for this."