𝔞𝔣𝔣𝔦𝔫𝔦𝔱𝔶 | Valkyrae x OC

4-

Pov: Citrine
    I wish I wasn't here. I wish I was anywhere else than in a storage closet crying at my cousin's wedding. Why am I so fucking dramatic? I'm a grown ass adult crying because my mother yelled at me. 

    I took a deep breath and stood up. I hate how much my mother's words affected me, but she shouldn't have insinuated that what I was wearing would cause me to be sexually assaulted. Just for once, I wish she wouldn't blame me for everything.

    I quickly snuck out of the storage closet, hoping nobody saw me and went into the bathroom. Luckily my eyeliner was waterproof, so I didn't need to reapply it. My eyes were still a bit red and I definitely looked like I had been crying, so I decided to stay in the bathroom for a little longer. The ceremony should be starting in 20 minutes, so I still have time. 

    Just as I think to go in one of the stalls so no one sees me if they come in, the door opens. I glance at the door to see who came in and it's the pretty girl who talked to me before. 

    "Hey," I said. "Hi, are you okay?" She asked me for the second time this evening. This time I answered honestly. "No. I wish I wasn't here." I said, staring at my emotionless face in the mirror. I look at my puffy eyes. God, I look hideous. "Do you have a cigarette?" I ask, surprising myself. I had never been a big smoker, in fact, I don't even like cigarettes, but right now I'd have anything that would take my mind off of reality. "No, sorry, I don't smoke." She said apologetically before smiling, "I'm Rae by the way." "Citrine, but you probably already know that. My mom's yelled my name probably 5 times by now." I said with a dry laugh. I turned towards her. "So you're on the groom's side of the family?" I asked. "Yeah. His sister." "Hmm." I turn back towards the mirror. "So, what do you do?" I asked "I'm an online entertainer. I do live streams on youtube." She said. "You?" "Nail technician, nothing interesting." "We should probably go, the wedding ceremony starts in 5 minutes." "Yeah," I say as we exit the bathroom together.

    Since neither of us played a role in the ceremony, we went to sit down. The ceremony started, and I already started to feel bored. I knew I was expected to feel happy for Amber, but I couldn't bring myself to. I looked around at everybody, at my family, and for the first time since I was 18, I allowed myself to remember all of the things they did to me. All of the reasons I hated them. I hold a grudge against all of them. That might seem petty, but I don't think it is. I don't hold grudges for small, trivial things, I never have.

     I looked over at my aunt, Ambers mom. She and my mom are really close, they always have been. They named their daughters together, both after a yellow gemstone. They expected me and Amber to get along as well as they do, but we don't. Whenever Amber and I didn't get along it was always my fault. In their eyes, Amber was a precious angel who could do no wrong. I hold a grudge against her for never correcting her child's behaviour and always putting the blame on me.

    I looked at my uncle, Amber's father. When I was 12, I was out with him, I can't remember why. Two men catcalled me. They told me my tits looked good in the shirt I was wearing. He told me I should thank them. I hold a grudge against him for that.

    I looked at my grandmother, my mother's mom and my only alive grandparent. When I was outed by Amber, she made me 'pray my gay away' any time I wanted to go into her house. She told my mom to send me to conversion therapy, which she luckily never ended up doing, and she told me that me being a lesbian was disrespectful to men. I hold a grudge against her for that.

    I hold a grudge against my mom for many things, not just a specific event. My mom had always treated me as inferior. When I was a child, she never showed that she loved me. I'm sure some part of her loved me, but as a child, I thought that she just hated me. She never stood up for me when Amber was being mean to me or when my relatives were criticizing me.

   Finally, I hold a grudge against Amber for everything she's done to me. I look towards her and see her looking at her fiancee lovingly. She's changed so much throughout the years, but the one thing that's never changed is her spiteful behaviour towards me.