Chapter 6: Jenn
Boy meets girl. Girl likes boys. Girl and boy date. Girl and boy fall in love and get married and live happily ever after, blah blah blah. That’s how love is supposed to work... right? That’s what I thought. I don’t know much about Niall and I, but I know we have chemistry and I know I feel a way I’ve never felt before in my life, so I guess I’ll give this little fling a try. We’ll see how it goes.
I guess I haven’t even explained my life, well that’s because honestly, I don’t have much of one. My dad died when I was six years old, and my mom decided I was too much for her. Most people leave me, I understand why. I live with my grandparents and have since I was seven. My mom tried to raise me by herself for around 5 months and then gave up. She lives somewhere in America with some man I don’t know. She sends me gifts on Christmas and my birthday, but that’s about it. I think her “partner” I guess you would call it, is very wealthy because for my birthday she sent me an iPhone and for Christmas she sent me a $500 gift certificate to Top Shop.
I remember the last time I saw her. December 14th, 2007. I was twelve. I’m now seventeen. My grandmother was just diagnosed with breast cancer and my mom came to visit. I can still smell the pine scent her hair always had to it. I can see her long blonde hair that I obviously inherited. She always kept up with her looks, she always looked beautiful. I’m kind of the opposite, I’m nothing special. My hair grows extremely fast, so it’s long. It’s blonde, but not as blonde as it used to be. I have brown eyes, although Maya always tell me they’re a beautiful caramel color, I see brown. I will admit, I have nice eyelashes. They have a natural curve and they’re dark and long. That’s one of the main reasons I never wear makeup, I look fake with it, and not the good fake. But the “oh her surgeon messed up on her plastic surgery” fake. I’m not fat, and I’m not skinny. I hate my thighs and arms, but I’m not a “big” person. I’m obviously not very confident in myself and that usually turns people off.
I’m not sure what Niall sees in me, but he sees something and that makes me feel a way I’ve never felt in my life. My grandparents are amazing people, but they’ve lived their lives. They can’t live mine with me, so I’m kind of on my own. Maya has been there for me since the 4th grade, but she’s always been more popular. It’s not that people don’t like me, it’s that, I don’t like people. Everytime I open up to someone and let them into my life, they always leave me. That’s why I’m so concerned about Niall.
His lifestyle is so different from mine, and he doesn’t even know it. If he knew that I don’t much money, I don’t have a normal family, or nice things, maybe he wouldn’t like me as much as he did. Maybe he would be embarrassed by me and go straight back to his girlfriend. His girlfriend. I know he says that he doesn’t care for her, but it still bothers me. I want the world to know I’m with him, but I think he doesn’t. He says it’s really complicated and he just wants me and him. No one else, but it’s hard to believe. Actions speak louder than words, and he hasn’t told anyone, that I know of. I’m probably just paranoid, but I can’t help it. When you’ve spent your entire life the way I have, you are paranoid. Everytime you turn your back, someone whispers about you. I’m good at hiding it, but when I’m alone and it’s 2 am that’s kind of when I break.
It probably seems like I’m constantly throwing myself a pity party, but I’m not, I promise. I try to be happy, and make others happy. It just doesn’t come naturally to me.
