Bittersweet

~~ Cold Light of Day ~~

"No BS.  How you feeling and Ava was right, you stink hon."  She held out a mug of coffee.

"You're a lifesaver, thanks."  Swallowing the pills with a gulp of water, I placed the glass of water beside the bed before eagerly accepting the steaming mug of coffee.  "What time is it?"

"Early, now stop avoiding."

There was no escaping this interrogation. "I'm fine, Janelle."

"Two fine's don't mean your good and when you arrived here yesterday, you were anything but fine. You had me worried."  Her brow furrowed. "I've never seen you like that, Jenna." 

Janelle sat down on the edge of bed as I shuffled sidewards to give her some room. Flashbacks offered me a glimpse into what Janelle would have witnessed, and Ava too.  "Sorry you...and Ava had to see me like that."

"Pfft, Don't stress it, dropped Ava next door to play with the Laura's kids and she stayed till bath time. Told her you weren't feeling well and you went to bed.  You were in quite a state hon." 

I took another sip of coffee.  "Thanks J, I don't know what I'd do without you."  I reached for my phone on the bed-side table.  It was almost eight.  I bolted upright, my throbbing head forced a wince. "Shit, the shop J. I had deliveries due at seven this morning!"

"Don't stress, Frank said he'd sort it.  Let him manage the place for a few days.  And I also told him what happened as you weren't making much sense when you arrived home."

My mouth dropped. "J, you shouldn't—"

"Hey, you know Frank, he can smell drama a mile off and seconds after I text, he was on the phone," she went on. "Plus you were sobbing in-between taking huge gulps of wine." She smirked.  "You owe me a bottle by the way."

I wanted to shrink into the bed, hide under the covers. "Oh god, was I that bad?"

"I'm not gonna lie.  You scared me and then I had to calm Frank down because he wanted to head over to the hospital and beat the shit out of him."

I groaned, hiding my reddened cheeks.

"Don't worry, he didn't.   But I don't blame him, Jenna.  I was ready to march over there myself and when I next see him,  I can't promise I won't kick his lying, cheating skinny ass."

A well of tears burned behind my eyes. "I can't believe I didn't know.  I feel so stupid J, and how am I supposed to tell Ava?"

"Pfft, she's gonna by fine—she's three.   She won't understand what's going on or how her father is a complete asshole.  She'll have the joy of figuring that out as she gets older."

Forcing the swell of tears down, determined not to shed another tear over that man. She was right.  As long as I kept my crap together in front of Ava, I could get through this.  I would get through this.  "He said I could stay in the house until he leaves hospital—but the first thing I want to do is get out of there."

"Gee, how noble of him.  But screw him!  You can both stay here hon, you know you'll always have a home with me, right?"

I shook my head.  "No, you've done enough already, and you've only just got your groove going with Mark and you both need your space."  Janelle and Mark had only just recently moved in together.  "And I need to start living like the single parent I am."  The thought of raising my Ava by myself was daunting.  "I will use the flat above the shop."

"Jesus, Jenna, its tiny.  You and three-year-old can't possibly manage there."

"It's fine until I get on my feet." I took another sip of coffee.

A sly smile curled her top lip.  "I hope you're going to take his lying, cheating ass to the cleaners.  Let's see how he enjoys being shafted."  She wiggled her eyebrows, finding some joy in my shitty situation.

"Can't do it. Tony's father insisted I sign a pre-nup."

"What the?  You're joking with me, right?  The asshole can't keep his dick in his pants and now he's knocked up some blonde—what did you call her again?"

I had referred to her with many names.

"Ah, yes.  Tramp! I think was the most fitting!"  she said with a smirk. "So, the least he can do is bloody make sure you and his daughter don't want for anything.  You deserve that, Jenna.  You both deserve that!" She wagged her finger.  "I should go down to the hospital and murder him—that way you will get all the money, simple!"

I didn't care about the money or want anything from him.  "He can keep his money.  I just want to make sure he doesn't cut Ava from his life—she's innocent in all this."

"Yes, well, trying to force it could only make things worse." With more seriousness, she shot me a disapproving look.  "Why didn't you tell me, he didn't want a girl?"

I shrugged my shoulder. Obviously being intoxicated had freed the burdens I'd hid, even from my best friends. "As much as he's a walking bag of puss—he has been a good father to Ava and I don't want her to feel she's being replaced, J.  I don't have to tell you how that feels."  Janelle's parents doted on her brother; he could do no wrong, not even today when he was currently incarcerated.

Janelle took my hand in hers. "Yes, but look, I still turned out okay. We'll make sure she never feels that way. You'll always have me, Frank and Adam, you know that."

And for that I was grateful. "I know, and that means a lot."  I placed my drink down.  "I need to get ready.  I have to be at the Valentino house for eleven."

"Why?"

"It's Vivi's, Tony's mother's birthday today."

"Are you sure you want to go?  I'm sure they will understand."

"Yes, I have to keep things as normal as possible for Ava's sake, and she loves Tony's mother.  But before I head out, I will need to call home and change. Oh, and collect her present. Can I steal something to wear from you till I get home?"  It felt wrong saying that place was my home now.

"Sure, okay.  You go shower," she plucked the mug from my hand.  "Seriously, vomit and Chanelle do not mix well." Winking at me playfully.

Unable to resist a smile. That was part of why I loved Janelle, she said exactly what she thought.