The Fence || h. s.

9 || Bon Appetit

"Really," I echo. "Not knowing his identity is the best part." 

"But you must have a vague idea of who he could be?" he prompts, glancing at me briefly. "Maybe he hinted at something, accidentally or not." 

"Well…" I hope my voice doesn't sound too strained. "He may be working in the music industry." A goofy smile takes over my face as I think of his silly obsession with plants. "Either that, or he's a gardener who prefers doing his job in the middle of the night." 

"A musician then? Singer, perhaps?" I shake my head, now thoroughly amused at the memory of the horrible performance he'd given me last night. There's no way this guy sings for a living. With his skills, or rather lack thereof, he should be a damn mime. Although, to his defense, he was utterly wasted then.  "You know that I could just research celebrities living on this street—" 

"No!" I can't stop the frown that befalls my face. As soon as it happens, I school my face in its usual expression of neutrality to avoid showing just how much this topic affects me. Clearly, my acting isn't up to its usual levels, judging by the curious look Asa sends my way. "I just want this to stay the way it is… for now."

"Okay, love. No need to grow agitated," he responds lightly. "Is there something bothering you about this whole thing? You can tell me."

Hesitating, I think of how to word my half truth. How do I properly describe the situation I find myself in? If I admit that my thoughts have been constantly plagued by this enigmatic H-person, he may get a wrong idea. I could go for a more honest answer instead, which would mean telling Asa that I'm absolutely taken aback by how easy it is for me to connect with this stranger. But that, in turn, sounds bogus. 

"Have you ever met someone that you just had an instant connection with?" I ask, deciding to put focus on him first. "Like… You feel that this person understands you on a deeper level. Which, of course, is completely unrealistic since you've just met." 

"Of course. You," Asa says, unwavering in his answer. "And later on, Sal." 

His surprise at my question is palpable. The guilt floods me all at once. It's so easy for him to say the words, and solidify the meaning of our friendship. Meanwhile, all I can think of is that I've never felt so free interacting with another person before, not even him or Sally. For me, there's always been a certain level of wariness present whenever I'd met someone new; it's just the way my brain had been programmed to work back in my early childhood. 

Don't trust anyone except your parents and manager. Remain a mystery. Never let any of your real feelings slip out. 

And yes, while I've certainly opened up to both Asa and Sally in time, it sure as hell hadn't been this way since the very beginning. For some reason, it's different with H. 

"I didn't mean to be so forward," Asa starts after my prolonged silence. "I assumed you expected this answer when you started this line of conversation. You know I've always been nothing but honest with you." 

Not about everything, it would seem, since he sure as hell didn't mind hiding his real feelings for me for years. Or so he claims. 

"But, if you don't feel the same way about our friendship…" Asa trails off, and I suddenly become aware that he's still talking to me. 

"Of course I do," I lie easily, covering his hand with mine. "I'm just surprised, because I feel… Similar, about that guy. And it's confusing, because I don't even know who he is, and I've barely met him like two weeks ago." Again, half truth. 

"Why do you say this as if it's a bad thing?" he prods. "Is it because the possibility of someone else than me and Sal getting to know you feels so daunting?"