A Day In The Life

Motherless child

The lightning strikes hard through the air, making the whole room light up for a while, and little Sarah is wide awake at the moment and she shivers like the lightning actually passes through her. She is beyond scared awake and she shrieks.
-DADDYYYYY!! She cries loudly.
Luckily Joel sleeps right beside her, he saw the lightning as well, but he didn't react quite as fast as her.
-I'm an old man, he thinks to himself.

Joel throws his feet out of the bed on to the cold floor, and in one step he is over her crib.
-Shhh, it's ok, it's ok..., he whispers, but that doesn't help much. Sarah is scared shitless and she s still shivering violently and crying for her dad.
He carefully streches out his arms and picks her up. He holds her close to his chest and she s clinging to him, still crying so hard she struggles to breath properly.

Joel sits down on his bed with her still close to him, feeling her tiny, way too warm and upset body crawling uneasy.
Another lightnings shoots through the room, and she shrieks again.
-DADDYYYY...!!!
-Shhhh, I'm here, I'm here, I'll take care of you, he whispers as he strokes his hand on her back, trying to calm her down.
He'll have to find something to distract her and get her down from all the adrenalin again, so she will hopefully be calm enough to be tired and sleep again. He can't do anything about the weather. And he knows this will take time and be an awfully long night if she is not calmed down early enough.

Her head on his shoulder, he tries to shield her from more lightnings to come, tries to hold her closer so that her eyes will be covered when she nuzzles in to his neck.

He continues to stroke her firmly with his hand, and silently starts humming a calming song. It takes him almost a minute to realize this song is one his mother used to sing for him when he was a little kid. A swedish folktone.
He smiles as he thinks of his mum. A sore smile. He misses her beyond words.
Suddenly his thoughts are wandering back to his motherland, and the playful thoughts of maybe maybe moving back there are hitting him again.
He is sure he wants away from here at least, away from everything reminding him of Sarah's mom, the mother of his only child.
This is NOT how life was supposed to be!

Sarah's mom died from complications shortly after giving birth to their lovely daughter. Nobody knew exactly how that happened, but it did.
It was more than a year ago, but Joel still felt his heart aching hard, like it was about to stop beating from what felt like a cloth of feelings tightening around it.

He hears Sarah's tired sniffles in his ear, he certainly wants to cry himself, but that wouldn't help at all.
Joel is a sensitive guy, he slowly wipes away some tears which still have managed to force their way out from his eyes, even though he promised himself not to.

Sarah is slowly getting heavier against his body, she is about to stop crying. Joel can feel how warm and sweaty she is getting, all the adrenalin leaving her tiny body.

Joel slowly and carefully lays down on his bed, letting Sarah still be close to him, and he wraps his arm around her.
He rests his own head in his other hand, leaning on his elbow, while he looks at her.
A tiny beautiful human-being, Joel thinks she looks like her mother.
Again his thoughts wanders back to Sweden, to his own mom, and a feeling of guilt washes through him. It's his fault his mom isn't able to be the granny she wants to, living in a different country.
It's really not THAT far away, he tries to comfort himself, but bearly succeeds

Sarah is breathing calmer and deeper, but yet uneven, shivery, and he can't help feeling sorry for her as well.
This was not how life was supposed to be, no.
Sarah's mom should be laying there besides him. Joel thinks he almost can see her, laying there with them, smiling. He almost thinks he can hear her voice, where she is the one comforting him, assuring him that everything's gonna be quite fine.

He wonders if Sarah knows, if she can feel how he lies to her when he says these things to her.

Sarah is about to fall asleep when a rather loud thunder rolls again, it feels like the whole building is trembling.
Joel can see how her tiny eyes fly open again, terrified, and he is quick to whisper to her again, trying to be on beforehand, before she manages to be too upset again.
-It's all good, little darling. You're totally safe. Nothing's gonna happen. We have to sleep.
Sarah sniffles and whines, quite unhappy noises, and Joel smiles slightly.
This little perfect human-being, so full of life and feelings, only a year old but still stuffed with a strong personality. Getting to know her is the most amazing thing Joel has ever experienced.
He feels that sore, strangeling feeling in his heart again, mixed with pride and a kind of thankfulness, for having this wonderful child with him.
He pulls Sarah even closer, and he can feel how she again takes that deep, shivering breath, before he's starting to drift away.
-You're totally safe. I'll protect you with my own life.