Forgive me, help me, be with me (fapezberry) {Complete}

Chapter 64

"Shelby please" I don't acknowledge Judy and open the door "Shelby don't leave! You will not leave! We are going to talk about this!...please"

"Go to hell" I walk out the door and to my car "In ya go baby girl"

I put Beth in and look back at the door. I see Rachel looking confused. I motion her down and she slowly walks out. She eventually gets to the car and puts Amelia in. I load up the trunk and get the driver door.

I stop and see Judy standing there shaking. It's not from anger I can tell you that much. But maybe she should've thought about that. I have been upfront about everything but she didn't even deny I was a toy to keep Beth here.

I shake my head and get in the car. I look over and see Rachel crying silently. I sigh and start the car up. I drive away and to my childhood home. I hope mom has space.

-Judy pov-
Watching Shelby leave is heartbreaking. I finally had my dream life..and I ruined it. Why didn't I deny the Beth thing? Why didn't I tell Shelby about my mom?

I turn around and see everyone's eyes on me. There's a mix of emotions on their faces. Anger, confusion, and sadness to name three. I look at the girls and see they are the most confused.

"Shelby is no longer here" I do my best to seem fine "I have a injured mother to go visit...I'll be back by dinner"

"What did you do?" I look at Lucy confused "Was it Beth? Did you hide something? What?! I know you mom! You did that shit every day when I was little! You did it so we didn't 'notice the pain'! Guess what! WE FELT IT ALL!"

"Do not yell at me" I feel everything bubbling to the top "I will not stand here and be treated like a invalid!"

"She didn't tell Shelby about grandma" I glare at Fran who sends it back "She also didn't deny that she was using Shelby to see Beth"

"I lost the love of my life and daughter because of that?" I nod and Lucy scoffs "I really thought you changed"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Everyone jumps at my outburst but I can't stop it "YOU THINK I DON'T NOTICE IT?! YOU THINK I DO NOT REALIZE I HAVE BECOME MY FATHER?! I HAVE! I HAVE REALIZED EVERY DAMN DAY! I KNOW TAHTS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! SO PLEASE TELL ME MORE! TELL ME HOW IM A FUCK UO THAT SHOULD JUST LEAVE! DO IT! PLEASE GIVE ME A REASON TO FINALLY PULL THE TRIGGER!"

"Judy" I turn to see Maribel holding a shaking Holly and Santana "You need to settle down now"

"Oh god" I stumble backwards and slide down the wall "I'm a monster....I became the monster!"

"I need to get these two calmed down" I don't look at Maribel as she speaks "Get her calmed as well"

I feel a hand on my shoulder "Mom?" I don't look up at Fran "Mom you gotta get up"

"Leave me" I shake her hand off "Just make sure Lucy is ok"

"Yell again" I look up at Lucy confused "If you have anything else you need to get out get it out now..I want my daughter and girlfriend back so you need to be better"

"It's all out of m~"

"Is the beatings all out of you?" I glare at Lucy as anger forms "Come on! Did he beat you like you used to beat us? Was he drunk like you? Was he a damn alcoholic?! If he wasn't you aren't like him! YOU ARE WORSE!"

"FUCK YOU!" I get up "You may be my daughter but you are crossing lines! I don't need a shrink to know I've been a bad mom! I don't need a shrink to know I just lost everything! You think I don't know that?! I DO! I know what I lost! All because I was scared! I was scared to tell her what I really want! I was scared my dad would come out of me and yell! So you want me to snap? FINE! I'm scared of everything because that son of a bitch ruined us! I spent nights alone or on Shelby's couch because Maribels family hated me and I needed shelter! I have so much I wanna say to her but now I can't! I can't cause she's gone!"

"Cause she's gone!"

I turn and look at the front door "You were never as bad as your dad" I don't move as Shelby steps into the house more "You are a asshole and a stubborn bitch but never EVER! Have you been as bad as he was"

"I'm so sorry" I fall forward into her sobbing "P-ple-please don't leave me! I-I-I need you!"

"I'm not leaving Judes" I feel Shelby wrap her arms around me "I'm just thinking we need to get you help"

I don't argue and just keep crying. I do really need help from someone. I want to be better for Shelby and the girls. I need to be better for them.

I just hope I am not too late on getting that help.

A/N yes I forgot about Judys mom. So yes this is my write around on that. I'm sorry if it came off confusing I hope this makes up for it! Sorry again!