twisted - muke - the distortion trilogy 1

1.5

MICHAEL'S P.O.V.

You're weak, pathetic, worthless.

Gordon's insults start off mild, the exact same ones I've grown used to from hearing every day. He's teasing me for my intimacy with Luke, the closeness of our bodies. It isn't hurting me, really, but it's a bit distracting as I try to cuddle with Luke.

He was lying when he said he liked you. He'll continue to lie you.

"Go away, Gordon," I mumble against Luke's neck. "I'm with Luke."

He doesn't even like you. Why would he like you?

"Lukey?" I ask, trying not to sound nervous. He mumbles something incoherent in response. "Why do you like me?"

"There are a lot of--"

"I'm weak," I find myself saying. "Did you know that?"

Will he still like you, now that he knows that?

Luke tugs on my waist, pulling me into a position where he can look me into the eyes. "You aren't weak, why on earth would you think that?"

He's lying. You're weak and you know it.

"Because Gordon says so," I say confidently. "Gordon wouldn't lie to me."

"Michael--" Luke's voice cuts off abruptly, with no explanation.

"Gordon says that you will lie to me," I insist. "Why would Gordon say that, Lukey?"

"You've got to stop listening to Gordon," Luke begs me, but I can barely hear him. Gordon is talking again.

Don't you dare listen to a word he says. He's a liar.

"I always tell you the truth, Michael, I swear!" Luke insists. "It's Gordon who lies to you."

"Do you lie to me, Gordon?" I ask quietly.

I can't believe you would listen to him over me!

"No." I have my answer, Gordon would never lie to me. I tell Luke as much. "No, no, no, no. Gordon is my best friend. Gordon wouldn't lie to me."

"Michael, the things that he says are meant to hurt you--"

I grab my face, tugging at the skin in frustration. "He's only trying to make me strong! I'm weak. He's helping me, Lukey. He wants to help me."

I think I'm beginning to shake.

"Baby, please, listen to me--"

And suddenly, I don't have control over my mouth. "Gordon and I talked about video games at lunch."

I can't make out the words he's saying, but Gordon is screaming at me. Earsplitting screaming. I can't think, I can't breathe. I try to close my mouth, but my efforts are in vain. I can no longer feel Luke against me. Words that are not my own are coming out of my mouth. Gordon is screaming at me.

"Michael," Luke says slowly. "Gordon didn't eat lunch with us today."

"Gordon and I talked about video games at lunch. Gordon and I talked about video games at lunch. Gordon and I--"

Luke grabs my hands, ripping them away from my face. My wrists ache, and my vision is beginning to blur. I can see Luke holding my hands, but I can't feel it. It looks like my hands are shaking. The chant continues to pour out of my mouth. I have no control over it.

I can't hear anything but Gordon's screaming. I can see Luke's lips moving, but I can't hear him. I think he's saying my name. I look into his eyes, and he looks pained.

"...you are my beautiful boy, and you are strong."

I hear the tail end of Luke's sentence, and for a split second, everything goes quiet.

And then, all hell breaks loose.

He's lying. You aren't beautiful and you are not strong. You're nothing special, and no one loves you. No one wants you. I should've let you kill yourself, I should've--

I curl myself into a ball, scratching and pulling on my ears to make Gordon stop. I guess I thought that if I covered my ears I wouldn't be able to hear him, but I think his voice is in my mind. I think I'm screaming, I don't know. I can't hear Luke anymore, and I can't see anything but red--the exact same color as my blood.

That's it.

If I cut, Gordon will stop, I know he will. And he'll be proud of me for figuring it out on my own. He'll be proud of me.

Pathetic. I hope you hit a vein.

Ignoring Gordon, I open my eyes. Luke's face is the first thing I see, but he's tinted red, like a monster.

He is a monster. He wants to hurt you.

I try to jump back from Luke, but I can't move. Everything is red.

Hurt yourself before he hurts you.

I think I scream again, and Gordon's voice cuts off, mid-sentence.

I blink a few times, realizing that I'm in control of my body again. And I didn't have to do anything to stop it.

"Michael?" Luke asks quietly.

I choose not to verbally respond, but I make eye contact with him briefly before looking down at my hands. They're still shaking. I don't know what to say, what to do. I don't know what happened.

"Michael." This time it isn't a timid question, but a demand. Look at me, he means. So I do.

Luke is closer to me than he was when I made eye contact with him. Our faces are only a few inches apart now. He hesitantly reaches a hand up, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone, and I  think he's wiping away a tear.

I didn't even realize I was crying.

"What just happened?" He's now sitting in front of me, one hand cupping my face. I can tell he wants to hold me, but I'm not sure if I should let him. Gordon was telling the truth, wasn't he?

"I-I don't know," I manage, because I don't. That wasn't the first time something like that has happened, but I guess it's just what happens when Gordon gets mad. One time I had to go to the hospital because of it. I stayed there for a week, I think.

"Are you okay?"

I shrug. "I guess so."

"And you know I would never hurt you, right?" Luke asks, the look on his face pleading.

I shrug again. "I guess so."

"Do you trust me?"

I look up, my eyes meeting Luke's. The sky colliding with the ocean. Blue and green. Luke and me. I nod. "I trust you."

His lips part to reveal a grin spreading from ear to ear, and he wraps his arms around me. He holds me to his chest, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. "Thank you." He kisses the spot behind my ear.

I pick nervously at a scab on my wrist.

-

A/N: i hate boys i hate boys i hate boys especially boys who insult fall out boy's new album to my face like tf do you even KNOW  who you're talking to. sigh.

but this was really hard to write and idk how i feel about it so feedback/criticism would be greatly appreciated??? thanks pals