Follow Me Back (complete first draft of the published book)

Chapter 31: L-O-V-E

Chapter 31: L-O-V-E

"I can't believe this is happening."

Tessa whispered the words so low that they came out barely louder than an exhaled breath. She darted a quick glance at the man sitting in the driver's seat beside her, but he made no response. He must not have heard her above the rumble of the engine. Just as well, Tessa thought. Her anxiety level had risen far too high to allow for polite conversation.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to focus on her breathing - in and out, in and out, in and out - just the way Dr. Regan had taught her.

It was no use. All the breathing exercises in the world couldn't quiet the chaos going on inside her head. She could barely even think at all at this point, but she couldn't allow herself to give way to panic. She needed to relax. Relax, relax, relax. Her mind cast about wildly for any other tricks of the trade that her therapist might have taught her.

Meditation? Biofeedback? Yoga?  What else?

Make a list?

Tessa's eyes popped open as the answer came to her. She could almost hear Dr. Regan's voice, droning inside her head:

"When you're feeling overwhelmed, a useful first step is to make a list of problems to overcome. Sometimes, just seeing your worries written out on paper can make them feel less insurmountable."

OK. Make a list. Tessa didn't have any paper on her, but at least she had her phone. She opened up her Notes app and started to write.

Problems:

1) I'm not inside my house

2) I'm 10 minutes away from my house

3) I'm going to be 20 minutes away from my house

4) I'm going to a concert

5) It's going to be crowded

6) Eric Thorn is going to see me

7) I'm going to meet Taylor

Tessa stopped after the last one. Her finger was shaking too badly to continue. So much for making lists. This was supposed to be relaxing? Her heart had been pounding relentlessly all day long, but it had just kicked into a higher gear with that last item: "I'm going to meet Taylor."

That was the one that scared her the most, somehow. And it was also the reason she knew she had to go.

Maybe she just needed to concentrate on that one thought. Stay focused. She was going to meet Taylor. Tonight. It had to be tonight. She'd never get a better opportunity. God knows what kind of strings he had to pull to make this concert happen - in Midland, no less. Twenty minutes from her home. And if that wasn't enough, she had Nev and Max from Catfish here to hold her hand through the whole ordeal. She didn't even have to drive the car.

She'd first written to Catfish casting months ago, after she'd found out that Taylor was a boy. She'd forgotten all about it until an MTV producer contacted her out of the blue the other day to vet her for the show. Now here they were, in this very car with her. Nev sat in the driver's seat with his eyes fixed resolutely on the road, and she could feel Max's presence in the back seat just behind her, taping B-roll of the passing scenery.

Nev and Max were counting on her to go through with it. They'd come all this way to help her. She couldn't flake out on them now.  And she couldn't flake out on Taylor either. She had to meet him, no matter how much the thought of it made her head swim and her heart pound and her blood pressure skyrocket. She had to put her doubts about him to rest, once and for all.