Yours Truly

Chapter 21

Things were blown out of proportion, but that's only because they're both too damn stubborn and short-tempered that it's almost impossible to have a simple conversation about whatever the issue at hand is. One of them always walks away and/or ignores the other. Lily walked away when they argued about the letters and the revealed identity and now it's Carina who walked away. They both need time to breathe and to gather their emotions together. It's best to be apart and calm down, otherwise harsh words that carry no meaning to it would be expressed and things would get even more ugly. If that were possible.

Carina just hated the accusations that Lily threw at her earlier. Carina does trust her. Hell, she trusts her with her life and she doesn't like how Lily doesn't understand that. Now putting herself in Lily's shoes, she did have valid points for her argument and her reasons for getting upset, but Carina does too.

Lily was accusing her of not trusting her when that's the furthest thing from the truth. She knows Lily would never cheat on her nor would she ever allow anyone else to. It's just that scared side of Carina that gets possessive of Lily when someone she deems as "better" comes walking their way. She just wants people to see Lily as her girlfriend, showing them that she's off limits. She doesn't even want others to even think that she's available, which is why she gets possessive all of a sudden. It's like a reflex. It's involuntary.

Carina does need to try to control her insecurities better because it does make it seem like she doesn't trust Lily when that isn't the case. Lily didn't do anything wrong here tonight. Carina's just mad because Lily didn't try to see things from Carina's perspective and she immediately assumed that it was Lily she didn't trust. This is why communication is important. Things get mixed up and tangled and complicated because there's always one side that gets disregarded.

After about 35 minutes has passed and there was still no sign of Lily, Carina realizes that now she's feeling sadder than she is upset. Sad because Lily isn't here right now. Sad because she hurt Lily's feelings and she made her cry. Sad because her stupid insecurities always get in the way of everything.

Carina wants to text Lily, but now she's scared of being rejected and pissing her off even more. She's scared that Lily is so upset that she won't forgive her for what she said and what she did and she doesn't want to push it. At least not tonight. She might need a little more time away from Carina and that's understandable. That's also the type of person that Lily is. She doesn't necessarily run away from her issues, but more so takes time for herself in order to think and dwell on it before she decides to deal with it.

More time has passed and the emotional exhaustion is really taking a toll on her, but she can't sleep. Her mind is too preoccupied with what happened and the fact that the sky is angry as hell outside won't allow her to drift off into a nice little slumber. She doesn't think that she'll be able to sleep at all tonight, especially since she knows that Lily's arms won't be holding her.

But then light from the hallway suddenly seeps into the dark room, letting Carina know that someone has opened the door. She quickly pauses the music to let her hear and she is able to make out four figures in the shadows on the walls. All of the girls are back now.

For some reason, Carina is feeling nervous. She feels her heart rate accelerating as she can so very clearly determine which of the four shadows is Lily. Desi has her arm around her shoulders and they're all quiet. They must know that some shit had gone down. The atmosphere is tense and solemn, which is the polar opposite of what it usually is when they're all in the same room.

"Is she sleeping?" Amanda's voice whispers. It's kind of hard to hear over the sound of the rain, but Carina can understand for the most part.

Carina hears footsteps coming her way and she closes her eyes, pretending to be asleep and hoping to god it looks believable. She even adds a little sigh and shifts herself a bit.