Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

twelve

BEAU

(*trigger warning: physical abuse*)

"Hey, Em." I sigh in relief when she answers my call. Staring at myself in the cracked bathroom mirror, I trace my fingers over the exhausted circles lining my eyes. I haven't slept since I saw Zoey a couple of days ago, her news pinging around my brain nonstop since.

Rage and regret, shame and resentment floods my mind, sucking me into a deeper and deeper hole until Emma's voice pulls me to the surface again.

"What's up?"

"I was just wondering," I run a hand through my hair, suddenly nervous. "It's dumb so don't worry if you don't want to but... Maybe I could drive you to your appointment tomorrow? We could go together, I mean?"

I hate how anxiety presses against my chest as I wait for her reply. To my surprise, she agrees and my heart pounds faster in my chest. I never thought she'd let me take her. But I'd be lying if I said the idea of a baby appointment doesn't scare the absolute crap out of me.

"I'll just text you when I'm ready in the morning and we'll go?" Emma sounds lighter today, in brighter spirits. For just a moment, that's enough to distract me from the shit storm that is the rest of my life.

"Sounds good." I smile like an idiot as we hang up and try to remind myself that this means nothing.

A ride to an appointment for a baby we might have to raise together. Together but apart. That is, if Emma chooses to have me involved at all.

Fuck. I sink into my couch and pull out my laptop for my therapy session with Dex. Do I want her to want me to be involved?

I'm early, stuck in the digital waiting room until Dr. Williams logs on. Biting my cuticles, the polish already gone from today's nerves, I don't even flinch when I draw blood, too distracted by my conversation with Zoey at the diner.

The run down, dusty apartment fades away until I'm basically back in the small diner, Zoey's high pitched voice ringing in my ears.

"What about your son?"

I turned around immediately, the painful memories I'd been trying so hard to keep crushed somewhere undetectable, rushing to the surface in a suffocating tidal wave.

I stormed back across the diner until I was standing right in front of Zoey. Noticing some of the men watching me carefully, I decided to sit across from her, legs bouncing rapidly as angry energy basically buzzed from my pores.

"I'm listening."

"Beau? Can you hear me?" I blink back to reality, finding Dr. Dex waving at his screen and checking his audio connection.

"I can hear you," I smirk, clenching my jaw tightly despite my attempt at calm and collected. The rest of my conversation with Zoey nags at me, uncertainty pulling me in multiple directions.

"Oh, great!" Dex leans back in his chair, pulling his damn notebook into view. "So, how's it going?"

"How's Parker?" I deflect, tearing at the small hole in my jeans. "He should be out soon now, right?"