Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

two

BEAU

"Would anybody like to take a thirty day chip?" Elise stands at the front of the room, juggling a bowl in her hands. Elise is nice, in a very professional sort of way. I prefer Dr. Dex, but he doesn't deal with anyone besides me. Here, at least. He says I keep him pretty busy as it is. I believe him; I grimace as this past month of mood swings replays in my mind.

Parker elbows my arm harshly, too pushy as usual. "That's you," He nods his head towards the bowl and long, dark hair falls into his eyes.

I stiffen in my chair and shoot him a dirty look. He's not too far behind me - I'll remember that when it's his turn to grab his coin next week. Reluctantly, I pull myself to my feet and trudge forward, running my fingers through my grown out hair.

I plunge my hand into the bowl, taking a red chip, much like a poker chip, between my thumb and forefinger. Twisting it around and around, I frown slightly, thinking of the other two thirty day chips I had at one point. The second led to a sixty day chip, the first... well, to the bottle.

Where will this one lead?

Rolling it between my fingers, I let out a deep exhale, hoping that I have the strength to make it through the weekend. The sixty day mark seems so far, but this afternoon, the next day, seems manageable.

I look up to meet Elise's eyes, her brows raised in question at me, and feel the rest of the group watching me in a similar fashion. Out of my peripherals, I see Parker smirk.

Screw you, I curse him internally. His smirk grows as if he's read my thoughts and I roll my eyes up to the ceiling.

"Sorry, what?" I mumble, blinking away the burning in my throat and focusing on the feel of the chip in my palm.

"Do you want to say anything?" Elise smiles courteously, stepping back to give me the floor.

My brows crinkle tightly over my eyes as I stare back at the numerous faces watching me intently. Parker is still grinning at me and although I know he's amused seeing me on the spot, I also know that he's sort of proud. I quickly look away from him.

"I don't have a lot to say," I shrug, picking at the cuticles on my thumb. I don't have any nail polish in here and within the first few days, I'd scraped off all that was left from my fingers in an antsy rage. "I'm just glad I've gotten this far. And all I can do now is keep moving forward, so... So, that's what I'm gonna do."

Elise nods as if she understands, but I know that she doesn't. Not really, not like the other people staring back at me do. Shrugging my shoulders lamely, I stare at my feet as they clap politely and walk back to my seat.

"I really thought you'd be smoother," Parker stares forward, snickering under his breath as Elise wraps up the session.

I shove his shoulder roughly, still unsure why I like the kid.

***

"Beau," Callie is by for the first time in her shift and she smiles like she's actually happy to see me. Callie is one of the workers here that feels genuine so I try my best not to be difficult, most of the time. "Dr. Williams cleared you for a day pass, is there anywhere you'd like to go?"

"What?" I sit up from my position in bed, unsure that I've heard her correctly.

"You've earned it - you should enjoy it." Callie crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the door frame. I stare at her wordlessly, wondering why Dex would do this. In here, I'm starting to feel a little more in control of myself. Out there? I run my fingers through my hair, feeling the flames flicking the back of my throat hungrily. I'm not so sure about out there.