Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

fourteen

EMMA

"Do you want to talk about it?" I pick at the frayed edge of my jeans, my feet tucked under my legs in the passenger side of Beau's mustang.

He hasn't said a word since we left my appointment - the majority of the ride back to my place. Conversation hasn't been easy between us lately, I know, but I need him to talk to me right now. If I can focus on him, then I can't get caught in my own thoughts, the ones that are nearly suffocating me already.

"About what?" Beau asks, his voice calmer and more even than I had expected. He keeps his eyes on the road, his grown in hair falling into his face, as he steadily thumps his fingers against the wheel.

I purse my lips, blinking back tears as I stare at the rubber soles of converse. Throat tight, I croak out, "Adoption."

Beau glances my way before quickly focusing ahead of him. The drumming stops and his tattooed knuckles whiten, clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

"What about it?"

I throw my hands up, tears slipping from my eyes despite my best efforts. "Anything!" I wipe furiously at my cheeks. "Literally anything at all. You don't have any thoughts on the matter?"

Beau puts the car in park, now in the lot of my condo complex, and angles his body towards me. "I told you already. Whatever you decide-"

"Don't." I interrupt, facing him head on. "You've been quiet since I brought it up with Dr. Banks. Please just be honest with me - what do you want?"

Beau meets my stare with a sad, longing look. He leans forward, reaching his hand out to my face. I lean into his touch, wincing as he pulls away. I miss the way his skin feels against mine.

Face fallen, he shrugs lamely. "What do you want me to say, Emma?"

I search his eyes - for what, I'm not sure. Would it have been crazy for me to hope that he'd want this? At least somewhat? Want me, our baby? It's scary as hell and probably the worst idea out there, but I can't deny that there's a part of me that wishes there was a way to make this work. Maybe it was naive to think he'd want the same.

"Nothing." I exhale, a painful, tight lipped grin on my face as I get out of the car. Before I close the door, I'm unable to help myself and lean back inside. "My mistake for thinking you might ever actually be up front about what you want."

Beau's jaw clenches as he watches me retreat again. For a moment, I'm surprised - almost impressed really, with his ability to resist the argument.

"Are you serious?" Seconds later, his voice spins me around in his direction again.

I meet his narrowed eyes with a defiant glare of my own. It shouldn't feel so good to start a fight, but it's been so long since I've gotten anything from him. I need to know he cares, I just... really need it, need him, right now.

"Fine, Emma. You want to talk about what we want?" Beau licks his lips, leaning his forearms on the roof of his car. "I'll go first. I never wanted us to separate to begin with."

I flinch at his words. Beau's selective vulnerability seems to come in biting rushes, somehow beautiful and painful all at once.

"It's your turn, Emma." He reminds me sarcastically.

I cross my arms over my chest, chin jutting out defiantly. "You called me for closure, Beau."

He shrugs, expression somehow bored and hurt simultaneously. I know him too well to be fooled by his aloof attitude - I see through the careless facade he puts on for the world.