Memories

LII

DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART

'Don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried
Oh honey if I get restless
Baby you're not that kind'

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 When Thalia went to the locker room the next day to get her things for practice, her locker clicked and she shut her eyes as something wet and slimy attacked her. For a single moment she was stunned and didn't move, but then Thalia rubbed the stuff off her face and opened her eyes.

A red liquid was on her hands, and, likely, the rest of her body. It didn't take long to understand what this was, and Thalia started hyperventilating. She held her hands in front of her face and stared at the blood while trying not to throw up. There was a hand on her back and she jerked away from it.

"Hey, hey. Thalia, calm down. It's just me." Gracie's voice said. Thalia looked to her with fear in her eyes, and Gracie nodded in understanding. She came forward and led Thalia to the bathroom as she tried not to break down. They froze, however, in the doorways to the bathroom. Thalia looked up to the mirror and read the words she knew were meant for her; 'Happy 18th Birthday Princess'

"Thalia," Gracie said apprehensively. Thalia swallowed.

"If Riko thinks this will make me like him, he's fucking wrong," she said. Gracie didn't say anything in return, and Thalia headed straight to the showers.

"I'll bring you some spare clothes." Gracie called and Thalia heard the door close behind her. As she scrubbed the blood off her body and clothes, Thalia looked to some of her scars, even though she'd vowed never to do so, especially in the shower.

Specifically, Thalia touched the ones on her inner thighs. There was no doubt these were self-inflicted, even if she couldn't remember it completely. Couldn't remember the feelings that led her to these self-destructive ways. But now she could understand why. The marks had long been scars, but Thalia felt the sudden urge to resurface the pain and the feelings. She looked around, but couldn't find anything sharp enough. But there was a mirror.

Thalia walked over to the mirrors that still had the message written in blood near the top, and punched one of them. Hard. It cracked and Thalia's own blood erupted from her knuckles. She pulled back in pain and shook out her hand. Then Thalia picked up a shard of broken glass and walked over to the stream of water again. 

She sat and placed the glass over one of the scars on her thigh. There was nothing for her. Not here. Not in the world now that there was no way she'd see her family or friends again. She pressed down and tore through the weak skin. Thalia bit her lip to stop herself from crying, but it just drew blood in her mouth. 

There was nothing worth living for. Thalia didn't regret much, and she definitely didn't regret switching places with Jean, or making sure that he, her brother or lover didn't ever have to return to the 'care' of the Moriyamas and Riko. Surely her debt had been paid. Surely they all had been. So Thalia drug the glass along the scar and only stopped when there was a cry of her name.

"Thalia, what the fuck are you doing?" Gracie called, dropping the clothes she'd brought and running over to her friend. "Put that down, now," she said calmly as she dropped to her knees and reached out for Thalia's hand. She looked at Gracie. She was a good person, but Thalia couldn't understand how Riko hadn't broken her yet. Maybe she hadn't been here long, or possibly she had a strong will. Thalia didn't know her that well. But Gracie could make it. She could survive. Thalia knew that she couldn't.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, letting her grip on the glass go slack. Gracie took her chance and snatched the glass out of Thalia's hand, putting it beside her. 'Sorry' meant regrets. Thalia didn't have regrets. But she was sorry for making a friend worry about her. It wasn't a regret, only a feeling. An emotion. 

Gracie found a first aid kit under a sink and put Thalia back together. She helped wash her and put her in the clothes she'd brought, and Thalia would be forever grateful for all that Gracie did for her at the Ravens' Nest.

"Thank you," she said once they were done. "I don't even know you that well, but you helped me anyway." Gracie shrugged.

"I have two older brothers and three younger sisters. I grew up in a nice neighbourhood, so me and my siblings were always sheltered," Thalia didn't understand where she was going with this story, but listened anyway. "But from a very early age I knew I wanted to help people whenever and however I could. You are not the exception. And besides, you're my friend."

That was a word Thalia was still getting used to, even after living with the Foxes and hearing 'brother' for the past few months.

They headed to practice, even though it would take a day or two for Thalia's gear to be cleaned and fixed properly. She headed straight for Riko and pushed between his shoulder blades, making him stumble. He turned with a frown on his face and lightened only slightly when he saw Thalia.

"Ah, birthday girl," Riko turned to the team. "Everyone, it's Nathalia's birthday today. We're celebrating after practice. And by that I mean you get to have three hours free instead of two." Nobody said anything to that, and Riko turned back to Thalia, who had a furious look on her face. 

Riko looked past her at Gracie and raised a single eyebrow. She touched Thalia's shoulder before she left. "I may be lenient with you on your birthday, but that does not excuse you from practice altogether. What are you doing without your uniform on?"

"Great way to avoid the fact that you set a trap in my locker to attack me with blood, and wrote a message with exquisite handwriting on the bathroom mirrors saying happy birthday." Thalia said, her arms crossed and her temper flying through the roof. Her leg stung, so she put all her weight on the other one, but soon enough that one was aching too. Riko had the audacity to look surprised.

"That wasn't me, Nathalia," he said. "But whoever it was is a genius, the next time I see them I'll congratulate them." he smiled. "Fine. You can sit out today, but you have to run laps around the outside of the court." Thalia seethed as he walked onto the court and wished he were dead. She walked out of the stadium and found her favourite place where nobody would look for her. Thalia pulled out a pack of cigarettes and smoked one after the other until she fell asleep on the grass.

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"Happy birthday!" Nathalia looked blearily at the two boys in front of her. One was smiling and holding out a wrapped box, while the other stood straight with only the ghost of a smile on his face. Thalia smiled and sat up.

"Thanks, guys," she said with a heavy thought in her chest. Not only was it Nathalia's birthday, but it was the day she shared with her brother. They were born on the exact same day a year apart, but Nathalia hadn't seen him in two years. She wondered where he was, and if he was alive. She doubted he and their mother would have survived this long with her father on their trail, but Nathalia could only hope.

Nathalia took the gift from Kevin's hands and opened the box. She gasped at the sight of the necklace. It was a simple silver chain with a pearl on the end. Nathalia reached up and hugged Kevin in thanks. He was her only friend in Castle Evermore, since Riko had begun to grow distant.

"It's no problem, really, Lia." Kevin said, a shy smile on his face. "We thought you'd like it." 'We', Kevin said. Nathalia looked at Riko standing behind Kevin. He had started to smile a little since Nathalia had accepted the gift. 

"It's beautiful, don't you think?" Riko asked, a spark in his eye. Nathalia nodded. "But not as beautiful as you." Nathalia folded in on herself a little in childish embarrassment. Riko winked at her and Kevin looked slightly uncomfortable. "We'll let you get ready for the day, and then we'll show you what we have planned. It is your eleventh birthday, after all. We can't let that go to waste. You don't turn eleven every day."