Memories

LXXVII

MR BRIGHTSIDE

'Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head'

⥎
⥐

When they told the rest of the Foxes, they'd been ecstatic. Even Aaron, who'd been even quieter than usual since their trip to the mountains, perked up enough to offer congratulations.

However, Kevin clearly still felt uneasy about the whole situation, despite Thalia comforting him about it and seeming alright. He missed many shots, even easy ones, and sat alone during breaks. Thalia decided to let him figure it out on his own. He needed the time to think. She stopped Dan from trying to talk to him about it, and she didn't press, which Thalia was thankful for.

Andrew had given a quick nod at the bands Thalia was wearing and she didn't miss the ones Neil had. When Dan and Matt managed to get everyone downtown for dinner, even Kevin, who clearly just wanted to stay in and drink away his problems, they made a few jokes about the bands. Nicky sarcastically asked if Andrew was starting a cult, much like the question Kevin had joked about with Thalia earlier, but less teasing.

When they got back, Kevin went straight to the bathroom of his dorm and stared at his own face. Thalia figured he was looking at the number, but let him be. If he wanted to do something about it, he would. She stood next to Andrew, blowing smoke out of the window, Neil on the desk beside him, when Kevin walked out of the bathroom and stood in front of all three of them.

"Take me to the court," he said to no one in particular. Andrew stubbed out his cigarette and Thalia pulled the window closed, doing the same with hers. She didn't intend on following the boys to the court tonight, so as they headed to the stairs, she kissed Kevin's cheek and bid them all goodnight, going back to her own room.

⥎
⥐

Thalia was sitting in an alleyway, plastic bag open as she rummaged through it. She looked at the contents of the bag and then stood, taking the bag with her. When she reached a public bathroom, she entered it and locked the door behind herself. Thalia took out the box of hair dye and read the instructions before applying the bleach to her hair. She had to wait in the bathroom for it to dry - which took hours - but she'd also stolen a book to keep her occupied. 

Thalia washed out the excess in the sink and then walked out again. By then it was dark, and there were police officers circling the park. Thalia ran across the field and ditched the book she'd wanted to take with her but knew would be stupid to do. 

When she reached her house some hours later, Thalia climbed up the pipes on the side of the house to the second story, where she quietly opened the window and jumped into the bedroom. 

Thalia knew she was safe because her current foster parents went to bed at nine o'clock, and didn't really care where Thalia was at any time of the day or night. She turned the light on and turned, not expecting what she found.

There was a woman sitting on her single bed, holding a gun that was pointed at Thalia. She had a look of indifference on her face. Thalia's eyes widened but the woman clicked off the safety, showing Thalia she wouldn't hesitate to shoot if she made a move. 

"Who are you?" Thalia whispered. She knew she wouldn't be heard. Samuel Deakins snored like a pig, and his wife was mostly deaf. It's why they worked so well together. "What do you want?"

"That doesn't matter," The woman said, her voice smooth and uncaring. "What does matter, is that you are going to come with me downstairs and outside, and then we are going to get into my car, and I will take you somewhere," she smiled then, an unsettling thing. "And I will kill you." 

Thalia's breath caught in her throat. A breeze came in from the window, and Thalia had a plan. "And if I don't?" She asked, hoping her voice wasn't as shaky as she felt.

"Then I'll just kill you right here, and then those foster parents of yours."

Thalia had to move quickly - but she was good at that. Thalia grabbed a vase that was sitting on her desk and threw it at the woman. She shot at the vase, and Thalia took the distraction to run and jump out of her window.

Thalia braced herself for the impact, and her knees buckled anyway. Something snapped, but Thalia didn't have the time to worry about that at the moment. The woman's car had to have been unlocked - it would make too much noise unlocking and locking it again all the time and closing the doors - so she limped for the unfamiliar red car she'd missed before.

Thalia got in, and by the time the woman threw open the front door to the house, Thalia had hotwired it and was already reversing out of the driveway.

⥎
⥐

She shot upright in her bed, breathing heavily and sweating. Thalia looked around, disoriented for a moment. Then she remembered she was in the Fox tower and sighed with relief. Thalia held her head in her hands and muttered the same words she said to herself every night to get to sleep; "My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. I am going to be okay."

It was like a chant. But it helped, and Thalia climbed down the ladder and quietly opened the door to her bedroom. Thalia took a few minutes to get used to the light of the bathroom and then she walked over to the sink.

Just like Kevin had done hours earlier, Thalia stared at her reflection. Namely the number four tattooed on her left cheekbone. She'd had time to come to terms with the fact that it was there and would probably be there forever.

My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. I am going to be okay.

Then Thalia walked over and locked the door. She returned to the mirror and splashed water on her face to get rid of the sweat and decided she'd have a shower. She'd need to get up in a few hours anyway to have one before meeting the rest of the team at the gym. Thalia doubted she'd get back to sleep after the memory that had played through her mind in her dreams.

My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. I am going to be okay.

She turned on the showerhead and stripped her clothes down to the floor, even the armbands she'd worn to bed. Then Thalia stepped into the tub and pulled the curtain closed. Thalia reached for the soap bar but hesitated when she saw the three shavers the girls used. She frowned and retreated her hand. 

My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. I am going to be okay.

Thalia couldn't remember what she'd done to herself or why, but she looked down at her thighs - something she'd vowed never to do - and knew that at some point in her life, whether it be on the run or in the nest the first time around, Thalia hadn't been strong enough. She needed to be strong now. She needed to make it to finals.

My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. I am going to be okay.

But there was something Thalia in. If she was going to have to owe her life to the yakuza, was it really living? If Ichirou Moriyama owned for her the rest of her career and some considerable time after, was it really worth living? Thalia reached for her blade and popped it off the stick. She turned it over in her fingers, considering the blade. It was new. She'd gotten it when she'd returned from the mountains only days ago.

My name is Thalia Josten. I am eighteen years old. I am a substitute striker for the Palmetto University Foxes exy team. And I am not okay.