Memories

LXVII

THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT

'And with the black banners raised
As the crooked smiles fade
Former heroes who quit too late
Who just want to fill up the trophy case again'

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When Thalia and Kevin got downstairs, they found that the upperclassmen were already sitting in the spa with their togs on. Thalia raised an eyebrow, and Matt smiled, spreading his arms wide.

"Isn't this awesome?" he said. "I'd move here if I could."

"There's so much nature," Nicky commented, scrunching his face a little. "I'd move here if I could stay inside." Allison rolled her eyes and slipped lower into the tub, putting her arm around Renee.

"The only thing we're missing is a daiquiri." she said. Thalia rolled her eyes this time. She was trying to stop drinking so much, and, in turn, was trying to stop Kevin drinking so much. It had been easier to tame her addiction while at the nest, because she never had any alone time to do anything more than shower and have a few hours of rest if she was lucky.

"Funny you should mention that," Nicky said, piping up. All of the upperclassmen looked at him in slight shock. Nicky feigned being hurt by their accusing looks, and put a hand over his chest. "Seriously guys? It's like you don't know us at all."

"We try not to." Allison said.

"Yeah guys, don't you know Aaron's a raging alcoholic?" Thalia added sarcastically, earning herself a smack on the back of the head by a passing Andrew. She laughed though. It was worth it. Dan cracked a smile for the first time that day - she hadn't even smiled during the drive up, she was that mad at Kevin - and Allison smirked.

Thalia walked over to the tub and motioned to Dan. She needed to speak with her. Clear things up with the captain. Dan frowned a little but got out anyway and followed Thalia over to the other side of the deck.

"I meant what I said this morning," Thalia said. Dan was quiet, looking out at the mountains. "But I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said it so soon after you finding out. I know you see coach as a father figure - we all do, to some extent - but you've known him the longest. I should have let you figure out how you were going to deal with it, first. Come to terms with it. But I didn't. I just had to let my mouth run." they were both silent for a moment. "It's going to get me killed some day."

"It just might," was all Dan said, but Thalia knew it was as good as an apology accepted. Thalia smiled half-heartedly and put a hand on Dan's shoulder as she passed her and went back to the group. Now was as good a time as any to apologise to someone else on the team. Thalia snagged Neil's arm on her way through the kitchen. Andrew and the others were making drinks and Neil was just watching them, so she figured he wouldn't be missing much. Andrew looked at Thalia as she passed and she smiled at him.

"Just borrowing your man for a moment." she said and walked over to the front door and out of the cabin. They stood just outside, but it was far enough away from anyone else Thalia figured they wouldn't be overheard. Not that she had anything rude to say, or something that could get them in trouble. It was more because it was slightly personal, and Thalia didn't want anyone else hearing it.

"What's up?" Neil asked, looking at the ground. Thalia kicked his shin lightly and he looked into her eyes. Thalia was slightly taller than Neil, despite being younger, and somehow she knew she'd made fun of him at least once when they were younger. She sighed.

"Since I'm full of apologies right now," Thalia started. "I'm sorry for yelling at you this morning. I was just surprised. I didn't know Kevin had told you that it was okay for you to tell the rest of the team. I shouldn't have reacted like that." Thalia looked down at her boots and kicked the ground. Neil took her shoulders carefully and made her stop. She looked up at Neil. The burn mark on his cheek was bandaged up, but Thalia frowned and put her hand gently on top of it. She sighed and shook her head. "It's not right. None of this is. We shouldn't have to go through this shit."

"Just be glad you don't remember it all." Neil said. Thalia suddenly felt even worse about the whole situation they were in. They may have been through the same shit in life, but Thalia didn't remember all of it. Neil did. He had to live with every scar and every meaning behind it every single day. Thalia had the bittersweet luxury of forgetfulness, and she didn't even remember half her life. It was times like these when she was glad for the injury that had lost her her memory.

Her and Neil shared a quick and cautious hug, making sure not to press too hard on a healing wound. Then they went inside, where Kevin and Nicky were passing out the first round of drinks. Kevin handed one to Thalia, who thanked him and put her drink down on the coffee table in the living room. Kevin frowned. "I'm just going upstairs to get changed for the tub." he nodded and handed out the rest of the drinks.

Thalia headed upstairs and locked herself in the bedroom, taking out her clothes. As she undressed, Thalia looked down at her thighs, though she hated to do it. There was a reason she never went swimming. She didn't exactly want to now, either, but she knew if she didn't at some point in the week, the others would get suspicious. Did Neil already know? Had she done it on the run? Had he walked in on her once? But Thalia pushed those thoughts aside and put on the two piece. She didn't have any swimsuits of her own, so Allison had lent her one. Thalia wasn't exactly comfortable in it, though it fit, but it showed off all her scars. The bullet wound in the front of her thigh, but not in the back. The place the doctors had surgically fixed her ribs after they'd broken. And many others from life on the run and in the nest. She had to keep her bandages on her arms, and it was uncomfortable putting on the bikini, but Thalia managed, and headed downstairs.

The rest of the team were chatting and laughing. Thalia saw through a window that Andrew and Neil were sitting off to the side smoking. When Thalia entered the deck with the drink Kevin had made her in hand, the conversation froze.

"Damn girl, you look good in that suit," Allison said. Thalia smiled, thanking her for not focusing on the obvious things everyone else was thinking. Thalia kept her legs closed and carefully got in the tub with her arms above the water. Nobody mentioned Thalia's thighs or any of her other scars, but Kevin put a comforting hand on her shoulder - the one with the tattoo of a cleaver she desperately wanted removed - and Thalia suddenly felt comforted.