pre-chapter

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i have a great brother, marek bradley. he is a professional gamer, best friends with jacksepticeye, a black belt in karate, and just about the best big brother i could ask for. our parents, on the other hand, were definitely not our biggest fans.

when we were younger, he was 9 and i was 6, our parents were expecting their third child, which they had named danny. now, very, unfortunately, when my mother was 26 weeks pregnant, she experienced a very painful miscarriage. my parents were absolutely devastated, and even though my brother and i were small, we too sympathized. eventually, this lead to both our parents having a severe drinking problem, and whenever they looked at us, they never felt grateful for at least having us, yet they were angry because we were all they had. that never made any sense to me but, i guess when your drinking all the time, it's hard to keep your head out of the clouds. so as we grew up, we both faced an occasional beating from both of our parents for just stupid stuff, and just eventually learned that we were going to have to make it on our own, together. so, as my brother entered high school, he started getting the odd job to help pay for his karate lessons to hopefully help his self-defencement skills, and if anything were to ever happen to me, he'd defend me as well.

as i reached high school, marek was already in grade 11 and was looking for a new place to live. at this point, our parents were in and out of the house all the time, however, it happened so often we just stopped caring about where they were or where they were going. once he found a place, we swiftly moved our stuff out, left a note, and went to live in a place that neither of our parents knew about. we were okay with it though.

i still attended high school the entire four years. as much as i hated it, my brother deemed it was important for me, so i went. he always knows what's best for me it seems, as much as i hate to admit it.

as soon as i got out of high school, i got into modelling.

modelling. what an interesting job. it has brought me so many beautiful and so many ugly things. however, i feel as though that's what you get with most long-term experiences, i guess just no one ever really imagines modelling to be that emotionally involving.

i do more than just model though. i use it to pay off my student debt.

i am also in school to become a news reporter. i've wanted to be a news reporter since i was around 16 years old. when i was younger, i always tried my absolute hardest to avoid the news whenever i could because we all know only bad things are heard on the news. but within the last five years, i have had a passion for the news. the feeling of authority while reciting the news to the public attracts me. it's also nice to be the first person to know what's happening in the world, whether that be good or horrifying.

relationships:

I have a boyfriend. His name vinnie hacker. We've been on and off for the last 3 and a half years, give or take. We met in high school and had a one night stand, which lead to a pregnancy scare. And at 17, that was the last thing i needed. Marek never found out, and luckily, i was never pregnant. Even though the test came back false, we built a sort of bond over it and eventually started going out due to how close we were. Turns out, we're not perfect for each other. And only now is that starting to become more and more present. He doesn't hit me or anything, we just argue over too many stupid topics now and we're having less fun, which i hate. I wish it would last, but i don't think it will. He actually let out in an argument one time that the only reason he started dating after the pregnancy scare was because his mother found the texts of me announcing that i might be pregnant and told him to support me, even though he hated the idea of that. However, after that argument, he told that it was just something he said, despite it being "untrue". I of course, forgave him and it was stupid of me to do so.

which takes me to now...

I still live with marek in our two-bedroom apartment in southern california, vinnie lives down the road and visits frequently-ish.

I was sitting in my room with hundreds upon hundreds of papers flying around, studying for a big exam tomorrow on the guidelines of news reporting. I was studying and taking notes of Anderson Cooper 360's, and videos of all the lectures I've been to in the last 6 months. I was taking notes on the news reporter's code of conduct, how to practice proper sophistication, that whole jazz.

I'm dressed head to toe in black which is very unlike me, however, it's all that's left in my closet since all my laundry is dirty due to me being lazy and sleep-deprived.

i haven't exercised since i last went to the gym, which was the day before my last shoot, which was... 3 weeks ago. Both my brother and best friends, rae, sean, and evelyn, who i met through marek, are concerned for my health and think I need a break, however, they have no idea how important this is to me but, unfortunately, they're right. i'm so tired. of everything. I really need a break.


word count: 961

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