Silent Tears

Silent Tears Chapter Eleven

Only when I was on the bus did I start worrying about everything. I couldn't believe that I just snuck out. A sense of guilt crept over me. Now, don't get me wrong. I wasn't really regretting leaving. I stood by the fact that it was my right to choose when I go see my parents and whether or not someone could come with me. It's just that Dan and Rose had been sweet to me ever since I came to live with them, dealing with all my issues without once complaining. They didn't deserve the worry that they would undeniably feel if they happen to see my bed empty and realize that I've been gone for awhile. And I really do think that they will find out because I doubt I'll be home before school. Sigh. There was a waste of me doing my homework.

I looked out the window and watched the streets fly by. I was going to be on this bus for about another hour so I made myself comfortable. People came and went. I watched all the different individuals and groups that came on and tried to come up with stories of their lives. It was a better way to pass the time rather than think.

As I people watched I let my mind make up their life stories. The guy that was two seats away was a grandfather, traveling 16 hours on public transportation to see his grandaughter's resital. The skinny woman with a scar had just got out of a fight and was a heroin addict. The teenage girl and her boyfriend were running away from abusive houses. What was really  funny though, was while I was wasting time to try to figure out their life story, they were probably just regular people with simple problems, unlike me. 

With a sigh, I gave up my poor attempt at mind distractions and settled my head on the window. I watched as we passed different house, neighborhoods and towns. No one was out though, besides me and the handeful of people on the buses, everyone was probably in their houses. Warm and asleep. With another sigh, I let my mind wonder. It took me a couple months back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Its been a couple months since that day that changed everything. Since I realized that not everyone was who you thought they were and that people liked to hurt others. That sounds so childish, doesn't it? "People like to hurt others." But, I guess sometimes I did feel like a child. I was just young. I didn't want this to happen. Its funny, because when you hear about bad things happening; you feel empathy and pity for that person. But at the same time you don't worry about yourself because you simply think your indestructible. That bad things don't happen to you. But they can, and sometimes, your the unlucky one, and they do. 

Anyway, like I said, its been a couple months since that day with Micheal and everythings changed. I don't feel like myself anymore. I know a couple of people have noticed it. I mean how can you not? I've stopped talking to a lot of people, I am no longer social or quick to laugh. I now keep to myself. I am more reserved and hate when others touch me. I no longer wear skirts, shorts, and cute revealing tops. I even said goodbye to all my heels and cute sandals. I stopped doing my hair, just leaving it down in a frizzy mess to cover my makeup free face. There is nothing left from the girl I used to be.

Micheal still visits me in my room whenever my parents aren't home. I keep trying to tell them whats happening, but I get scared. I don't want him to hurt them like he hurts me. But I can't take it, each visit gets worse and worse and I feel like I'm in this big hole and I don't know how to get out. I started cutting myself. It gives me a relief I never could have imagined. Every time I slice the skin and the blood flows out, my mind focuses on the pain, letting me forget everything, even just for a couple of minutes. I also have stopped eating. It just makes me nauseous, plus maybe if I lose all my curves, Micheal will hate my body and stop.

Thankfully today was one of those days my parents had off and Micheal wasn't coming over. Bad news is, they wanted to do family time and as I dressed in my lose tee and jeans I wondered how the hell today was going to pass. I simply didn't know how to be there daughter anymore.

When I got downstairs they were on the couch watching t.v. Mom patted the couch between her and dad and I slowly walked there. I sat down cringing every time one of them accidentally touched me. I wasn't even paying attention to the movie, I was to busy trying not to start hypervaiting. Suddenly mom closed the t.v and her and dad turned to face me.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Dad asked.

I just shook my head.

"You've been acting weird for awhile. You don't talk to your friends anymore, you don't go out, you never seem happy anymore. Baby, what's wrong?" Mom asked.

'I-I-I" I stuttered and stopped. What could I tell them? Anything close to the truth would only hurt them, in more ways than one.

“What is it?” They asked.

What else was left for me to do but lie.

“It’s nothing. I just got into a fight with everyone so I haven’t really wanted to go out with anyone. Its nothing though, it’ll blow over,” I told them giving them the most assuring smile I could give them.

After a couple more minutes of me assuring them and playing my change off as something stupid, I convinced them that I was tired and went back to my room to rest.

I locked my door and curled on my bed under all the covers. I let myself cry silently as I thought of how easy it was to convince them. A little part of me hoped that they would push it. As much as I feared them knowing I just wanted it all to end. I fell asleep crying to myself as a little part of me died inside. The part that held some type of hope that this will all end. If the closest people to me couldn’t tell that something was majorly wrong, who would be able to?

And even though Micheal hadn't rapped me yet, I knew that one day he will. That one day instead of the touching and the kissing it would get more extreme. Just the thought of that made me want to end it all. I don't know how much more of this I could take.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wiped away the tears  that had fell as I went down memory lane. I had been right back than in my thoughts, for Micheal had eventually rapped me. And it wasn't just rape either, he made me do degrading things; he used to beat me too. And in the end, my attempts to save my parents had failed, for he killed them.

I shook my head to rid of these depressing thoughts and got up. My stop was here, time to go visit my parents.

Sorry, I know its been awhile but I hope you like this chapter, its one of my favorites. I also want to thanks you all for reading, voting, and commenting. I'm glad to know that actual people like my story.

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