Self love

chapter 7

“Please don’t take me home” I managed to whisper between sobs but my cousin didn’t answer.

I assumed that he had heard me but just didn’t want to reply so I didn’t say anything else until I noticed the turn was approaching for my house and he had put on his indicators.

“didn’t you hear me” I cried “ DON’T WANNA GO HOME”

“THEN WHERE THE F*** AM I SUPPOSE TO TAKE YOU “ he yelled. He clenched the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white then his expression softened a little.

“I didn’t mean to yell kayli I’m sorry okay?” when I didn’t answer he started talking again “kayli??”  but I still didn’t reply.

It didn’t even matter if I wanted to reply or not because my body wouldn’t allow me to. His yelling had put my sobs back into full drive and my voice was caught in my throat again.

Why would he yell at me when I was clearly already suffering? I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly not caring about my dirty shoes on his car seat.

I heard him sign before the car came to a stop

“where do you want me to take you then?” when I didn’t reply he sighed then ran his fingers threw his hair and then back down his face.

Clearly he was angry, my cousin rarely ever got angry but when he did it wasn’t pretty and no one wanted to be around him.

I was his little cousin though and as much as I knew he wanted to he wouldn’t go off on me while I was in this condition despite his yelling earlier.

“kayli I’m trying to help you… I’m going to asking you one more f***ing time where the hell you want to go because your bleeding for Christ sakes!! Look at you!” he ran his fingers through his hair again  tugging on the strands , for a second I thought he was actually going to rip his hair out.

“I don’t know where to take you kayli and you’re not responding. I need to get you home where your mom can clean you up and take care of you unless you want to go to the hospital?”

“no” I mumbled

“then where should I take you” I placed my head down on knees indicating that I was done with the conversation.

“Damn it!” I heard him yell before the sound of him banging his fist against the steering wheel. A minute later he started the car and pulled back unto the road.

I really didn’t care where we were going I just didn’t want to go home and face my mom. I know she would just throw it all back in my face and that would hurt more.

I really just wanted to be left alone but I didn’t want to sound ungrateful to my cousin since he did rescue me.

“Yea can I come over” I heard him say to someone on his phone

“well eeeer its not just me its me and my little cousin”

“Yea she had an uhhm incident and I really don’t know what to do , I can’t take her home and I don’t have anywhere else to take her”

“ok thanks”

Couldn’t he tell that I wanted to be alone? Why would I want someone else to see me like this? Yet here he was bringing me to someone’s house, I wanted to protest but was way too weak so I decided to just go with it.

I had already strained my voice enough trying to communicate with him before and if I tried again my voice surely would fail me.

After about 10 minutes of driving he pulled up to a super market then told me he would be right back. He had shut of the car so there was no longer the soft music playing in the background.