Chastised

Chastising Angel

I had been walking for hours, zigzagging in between alley ways, walking through small wooded areas, even spent an hour sitting in one of those huge black tubes at a kid's park. I wanted to make sure Dean wasn't going to find me. Knowing my brother, the minute I actually left the parking lot he was most likely in the Impala searching for me. But then again, he let me walk away so maybe not. I tossed my phone on the passenger seat when I grabbed my bag and walked away into the night.

I could feel the rage building again. All of the pain and anger was creating a well-rounded concoction of spit fire rage. I felt it coursing through my veins, the burning sensation boiling, threatening to bubble through my skin. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to go away. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. The rage just made me want to kill something.

I was not holding my chest trying to catch my breath. I yanked the sleeves of the jacked up clawing at my skin trying to stop the burning sensation not noticing the red lines tracing where my veins were.

How could he just stare at me when I realized what he was doing? How could he think I'd be ok with it? That I'd just stand by and let him willingly walk into a battle exhausted one time so he wouldn't walk out. Does he truly think I'm that blind, that I wouldn't catch on? He didn't even try to stop me when I left. He just let me walk out that door as if he...Oh God; he just let me walk out that door. I'm no longer there to stop him. This is what he wanted. Oh God no. No. No.No. I'm so stupid.

I was holding my head in my hands now sobbing, feeling like the idiot that I know I am. Crawling out of the huge tube I was sitting in I made my way out of the park, I turned down a dark alleyway to do the only thing I could think to do. Leaning back against the brick wall of one of the buildings boxing in the alley looked up to the sky and silently called out for him. As I waited I decided to look at my surroundings. I probably should have done that before I decided to turn down a dark alley in a sketchy looking neighborhood. Thankfully it was a cold night so there weren't any stragglers around at this time of the night or morning, whichever.

The flutter of wings told me my prayer had been heard. I turned around to face an angry looking angel.

"Where have you been? I couldn't find you." Castiel asked his voice deep and harsh, almost as if he was growling in anger. He was staring right through me.

The hardness of his stare made my body shiver in fear that he might smite me right where I stood.

"He pissed me off, Cas." My shoulders slouched forward knowing I was wrong for walking away.

"So that makes it okay for you to abandon your brother at the time he needs you the most? He's ready to commit suicide, Angel, and you just walked away. You walked away! How could you?!" he screamed at me. But it was okay; I deserved every bit of tongue lashing he was going to give me.

"Is he okay?" I asked looking up at him filled with shame.

"He's sleeping."

"In the Impala?

"No." he turned his gaze to the wall behind me.

"After you willingly walked out of the diner," he glared at me. "...he sat down and ordered food. When he went to the bathroom, the food was brought to the table before he returned. I slipped some sleeping meds into his drink. After he paid and said he was hitting the road, I asked if I could go with him. He began to argue at first but quickly gave in. Once we got to the car I touched him, causing the meds to take affect sooner than they should. I drove us to a nearby motel and he is now in bed. He won't wake up for a few hours." He explained.

"Is that where you were when I called out for you?"

"No. I was at a park a few blocks from here, tracking you." He glared at me. He really was angry with me this time. Castiel had been angry with me before but he's never looked at me with this much anger. It was as if he was looking through me, into my soul.