Do You See Her Face? (A Jess Mariano Fanfiction)

A Truman Show Star

Disclaimer: All Gilmore Girls content belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

. . .

Wringing her hands to keep herself from biting her nails off, Ella trudged up the front steps to Luke's. Luckily, her old parking spot was open. It made her remember evenings when she'd come straight from visiting her aunt in New Britain. How safe the diner had always made her feel. A refuge from school and home alike. Her heart ached, traveling back into the past for just a moment. She couldn't think of one second since her father's death that she'd felt the least bit secure. Hopefully, Luke's would help at least a little. But a strange, uneasy surreality flooded her as she entered the diner's warmth. Life had gone on without her there. She noticed small changes to the place she had spent most of her youth in, slight differences in paint color, placement of certain mugs on the back display shelf, even new menus. At least the 'No Cellphones' sign hung behind the counter, as it always had. Ella doubted it would come down until Luke was long dead.

She didn't take off her coat, and tried not to make eye contact with anyone for too long. Miss Patty was busy with her mid-morning tap class, Ella knew, and Babette wasn't in sight at the diner either. Kirk must've been at work too. In fact, the diner was nearly empty, the transition between Friday breakfast and lunch creating a lull. She hopped up on a stool at the counter, right in front of the coffee machine. Luke was making a fresh pot, his back to her. He turned around once he had finished, coming to face her. For a moment, Ella felt a wave of relief at the sight of him. His baseball cap, his red flannel, his worn jeans. Luke hadn't changed nearly at all over the course of her entire life. But then, an unwelcome thought about what she would do in the event of Luke's death intruded her mind. Soon, she wouldn't be able to think of anyone without picturing them six feet under.

Luke's eyes widened at the sight of her. "Hey, Ella, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, fighting the urge to have any bit of emotion cross her features. "I just came to get my stuff out of the old house. Fiona's putting it on the market pretty soon. At least, she says she is."

"Oh," he said, nodding. "You want something?"

Ella shook her head after a moment of thought. "No, thanks. I just wanted to stop in, since I was on my way by."

"Alright," Luke said, averting his eyes.

"What?" she asked, eyebrows raised in suspicion.

Luke sighed. "Jess called me this morning."

Swallowing dryly, Ella breathed in a deep breath. "Did he?"

"Yeah."

"He's not coming, is he?" she asked. At some point on the drive, it had occurred to her that he might follow her to Stars Hollow, continue the conversation. But just the idea of seeing the hurt in his eyes was enough to make her stomach do a flip. She wasn't ready to keep talking. Maybe she never would be.

A joyless smirk appeared on Luke's face. "He told me you might ask that. No. He's still in Philly. He just wanted to let me know you were coming, make sure you got to town safe."

"Okay," she said, again forcing down all her feelings, her face solemn. "I take it that's not all he told you?"

"No," he said, as Ella raked an anxious hand through her hair and once again tried to keep her nails away from her teeth. After a shot pause, Luke continued, trying to catch her eyes once more: "Listen, kid, it's all gonna be okay."

"That's convincing," she said with a humorless chuckle.

Again, he sighed, weary and frustrated. He readjusted his cap on his head. Eyes doing a quick scan of the diner, he found the other customers, all at tables, not listening, enjoying their food. "I know you don't scare easy. And I know how angry being scared must make you."