The Experience of Being Alive

Chapter Ten

The previous night's realizations and the fight with Katniss had everyone feeling subdued. Each of the girls spent the day working in their respective books. Binny was glad for the respite. It was impossible to think about your problems when you were in your book. When you were in your book, the Stacks just didn't exist.

"I'll catch up with you guys later at home. I want to do some reading." Binny didn't wait for a response before she scampered off through the exiting crowds in the library.

Once she was sure she hadn't been followed, Binny found a small corner with a super comfy chair and plopped down. The chair was placed in a little alcove, and the alcove itself was lined with bookshelves which of course were stuffed with books.

The whole previous evening had been so jarring that Binny needed something calming to regain her center. Binny was hoping that reading something pleasant might do the trick. Perhaps something magical. Binny needed a little departure from reality.

Binny lazily scanned the spines until she came to one called A Game of Thrones. It was thick. Extra thick. It looked like she could get lost in it – literally. Of course in the Stacks, one could actually get lost in a book, or pretty close anyway. This book seemed like just the thing. It had a big sword on the cover so it seemed like providing an escape from reality was probably one of its strengths.

The prologue was pretty dark. Not exactly the change in subject that Binny was hoping for. The book too seemed to be preoccupied with death. But Binny read so quickly in this place that she didn't mind giving it a few more chapters.

A few pages into chapter two Binny stopped dead and had to reread a line over and over again. "Arya is already in love..." it began. Arya? Was this Binny's Arya? Of course it was. The library had no organizational system, the book you needed just appeared when you needed it.

Binny had wanted a fantasy book and this it certainly was. Binny also wanted something gentle. Binny had a bad feeling on this front. But Binny had also been wondering about her third companion. Binny had of course read Hermione and Katniss' books, but she knew almost nothing about Arya. This was her chance. Her subconscious must have been prioritizing her desire to know more about Arya higher than her desire for something pleasant. For the moment, Binny agreed. She wanted to learn all about the girl. Maybe it would help her understand her better.

Fifty-four gruesome deaths later, Binny had started to reconsider her earlier decision. She certainly knew Arya a lot better now. She knew a lot of things a lot better now. Binny was pretty sure that A Game of Thrones was not appropriate for ten-year-olds. In fact, as Binny replayed some of the more awful moments in the book, she wondered if the book was appropriate even for 110 year-olds. Of course even if it wasn't something she should read, there was nobody in the Stacks to tell her not to. She had no parents here.

And yet, as awful as it was Binny couldn't put it down. She was transfixed. It was like having a friend show you their badly skinned knee up close. You didn't want to look but you had to. It was fascinating. And in truth, Binny had accomplished one goal, she had learned things about Arya. Or at least about book Arya.

Was Arya the same as the girl from the book? Had Arya been affected by what happened in her book? Binny started wondering, what about her? Was she, Binny, the same as the Binny from the book? She thought so. But in a way, this broader perspective, this understanding of how much bigger the universe was than just her book had changed her somehow as well. She supposed the same was true of Arya.

But Arya had gone through significantly more awful things than Binny had in her book. And from the back cover it looked like Arya wasn't even close to done. There were several more tomes. Binny wasn't sure she could stomach any more torture and thought back to her original goal of reading something soothing and gentle.