And I would be the one (to hold you down) | Yandere Lily Evans

No (Part I)

If Lily was amorous before this mess, then Natsumi's not sure what to call her now... It was easy to excuse all of Lily's touching and coddling when they were both in agreement that what they had was a platonic friendship, but now Natsumi is struggling to keep the witch's hands off of her. Struggling to find an excuse that doesn't make her a...a lesbian.

Gods, she's not a lesbian, is she? Natsumi always returns to this struggle. This battle.

Before, Lily's hands were always lingering, always hovering. Giving gossamer caresses and pats. It was only during intense or special moments that she allowed herself to indulge in Natsumi. After Remus' unfortunate confession, Lily's hands are fiends. Always tangled up in Natsumi's hair, always threading their fingers between the other's, always gently squeezing her thigh when they sit next to each other. It's becoming harder and harder to keep people from knowing.

Lily doesn't like keeping it a secret. She's proud of her feelings, of their relationship. Says that Natsumi should feel the same way. Why should they care what others say? This quickly evolves into Lily becoming dangerously insecure. Was Natsumi ashamed of her? Hiding another relationship from her? Changing her mind so soon about their kiss? What is she hiding what is she hiding tell her right now––

It's been very stressful to say the least.

If there is ever a time to be thankful for the prejudices of others, then it is now. Natsumi blames part of her secrecy on the fact that, in this year of 1977, there's few people around Hogwarts who would accept such a relationship, much less tolerate it. It placates Lily for a second before she starts going off about how she'll protect Natsumi. She'll protect her because she's good and pure and her very best friend and oh, Natsumi's heard it all before from her. It gets tiring. Listening to her. Redundant.

Still, she craves it.

Then Natsumi blames it on romance.

Oh she goes all out with it too. Beginning with an anecdote about her childhood and being told old stories by her grandmother about tragic and wonderful loves. Couples separated by Gods, stars, and status. How she's idealized it. Coveted it. A secret love hidden away from all the world. One that's just their own.

She's not sure where it all came from. Being told great romances as a child was true, but most of them ended strangely or badly (at least, for the woman). It's a bit of a stretch to say that she's always dreamt about a love that would transcend all expectations, but Lily buys it. All of it. She listens to Natsumi with an intensity that burns her, and believes every word that falls out of her mouth. Promises her that she'll keep it secret from everyone. For her.

"Even Tuney. Even Sev."

Natsumi had refrained from wincing... Those two are probably the only chance she has at convincing Lily to stop. Maybe later, she can catch Severus alone... Or write to Petunia...Surely they'll help knock sense into her.

Lily then commits to the idea of their secret romance. Others aren't worthy of knowing. Of looking at them. 'We're fit birds, you know.' She begins scouting out places to kiss in secret. Corners of the library where nobody goes, behind tapestries in the halls, in dark alcoves of the castle where empty classrooms lie.

It would be a fib to say that Natsumi doesn't enjoy the kisses. Sometimes Lily can be awfully gentle. Awfully sweet. Considerate. Romantic. All of the things that she claims to be and more.

It's just that sometimes, Lily can get a little...carried away. Lost in the moment. Aggressive. What starts out as an innocent trickle of pecks ends with Lily's hands reaching where they shouldn't, and lewd sounds emitting from her. It's so much, too much, and Natsumi doesn't know what to do with it. To indulge Lily would be too dangerous, like allowing fire to swallow her whole. To reject Lily would be dangerous. Like batting at a wild wolf. A wild wolf who happened to always be ravenously hungry.