And I would be the one (to hold you down) | Yandere Lily Evans

A battlecry (Part III)

The walk back to the castle had been silent. Awkward. Every so often, Lily would look like she wanted to say something, but decided at the last minute that it wasn't worth it. Or good enough to convince Natsumi that everything is okay.

Natsumi stares down at the ground as she walks. Mediating. Thinking about everything that's happened in the past seven years. Then in the past seventeen years. Then beyond, in a time and place before her birth.

Perhaps this is some sort of curse she's been afflicted with. The abuse her mother suffered at the hands of her natural father caused a grudge to be born within her. To be placed in a similar...

She shakes her head.

Lily isn't like that. Lily would never force herself on her. Even if that was sort of what happened earlier. She had stopped. That was important. She stopped and she apologized. As she should have. Of course, she then also went into a jealous rant afterward but...

But she had enjoyed it. Natsumi was disturbed but she had enjoyed it. And that makes it different.

Naturally, she doesn't voice this to Lily. Even if it could bring something other than more turmoil, how could she ever summon that courage? True, she's grown bolder since acquiring the other girl's friendship. But she's still set in her ways when it comes to keeping her emotions hidden. It would be inappropriate to confess to her anyways, she doesn't really know if Lily likes her. Not really... She could just be curious. Experimenting. Right? And who better to experiment with than a friend? A best friend? Why, Natsumi is sure that if Severus was a girl, that Lily would have tried it with him! It makes sense! Complete sense!

She's fooling herself and she knows it.

The two part on the fourth floor, as Lily has a prefect meeting to get to. She looks back upon Natsumi with pleading eyes, "I'll see you later at dinner, yeah?" As if she just wanted everything to go back to normal. To pretend that nothing happened. Don't leave me. Her voice says.

Natsumi presses her lips into a thin line, responds with a short 'mm' sound, and walks away without looking at her in the eyes.

Inside one of the many trophy cases at Hogwarts is an old photograph and plaque commemorating the International Schools' Gobstones competition of 1957. In it, are a young, smiling, laughing pair of witches. Eileen Prince and Hideko Akiyama. Sometimes when Natsumi passes by it, she presses her hand against the glass and stares at her mother as she'll never know her. Lucid. Smiling. Present in the moment. What did her laughter sound like? Was she a helpful witch? Kind to the underclassmen? Would she have liked her? If she knew her? Would she have warned her of Lily?

If Natsumi closes her eyes and pretends that none of this is happening...If she closes her eyes and pretends that she's little again. That Lily is just a girl and they are both just innocently playing. Then maybe... It'll all be alright. It'll all be okay. Lily won't have kissed her and won't be oddly possessive of her and she will not behave as she did ever ever again and

She is absolutely fooling herself and she knows it.

Natsumi doesn't curse. It's impolite, and her meek nature never allowed her to do so. Now, though, she curses fiercely and quietly under her breath. How could she have allowed this to happen? She's...Has she led Lily on? Made her believe that she could possibly return her feelings...? Natsumi's not...She's not gay, is she? She's...She's had crushes on boys before...Looked at the photos of different idols and celebrities in the paper, in Lily's Muggle magazines. Imagined herself married to them...They both did! Her and Lily! Talking about how fun it would be, how they could have a double wedding one day! Matching dresses!